Dang, WordPress just went through a major upgrade. And while the same rubbish will still be posted by mwah, the interface I have by which to publish, world class.
That is all.
Well, that and i’m another couple of hundred words into my ‘proposal’ post…
I’m 47 words into my mammoth ‘how I got engaged post’…. i’ve already tested it out on Lucy (she almost cried, so i’m guessing it’s pretty respectable) and i’ll keep updating it during today.
Hopefully you’ll have something before I depart for home.
Adam
The International Council of Man Laws, Ltd.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have satisfied her sexually. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach…and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.
29: We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”
We hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.
Whatever you do, don’t make you first insurance claim on your motorcycle because you drop it on it’s side…
1. It will hurt your insurance premium
2. Especially when they have to spend $2k repairing it ….
3. And you’ve been complaining that you paid $800+ per year in premiums….
4. Because *everything* is expensive on a bike
5. But not nearly as expensive as your ego when you realise you’ve just dropped it….
>:B
So how was your weeekend?
Adam
1. I’ve got so much to say;
2. I’ve got no time to do it;
3. I’m off to Vietnam (woo-fucking-hoo!) in 48 hours 
;
4. I’ve booked myself in for another pain session, the Penrose 24 Hour Rally … why… why do I do this?
5. I’ve still not completed my commitment for 3 posts a week!
Miss all you guys
Adam
Do I continue to run half marathons (and train for a full) when I know the pain it will cause me?
Adam
0.37 posts per day is pretty pathetic, isn’t it?
So over five years of this blog, i’ve managed to write something, on average, every third day ….. this has not been the highlight of my week to see that statistic.
As you saw earlier (my keen attempt at propping up said post count), i’m suffering the beautiful effects of jetlag. Because of said jetlag, i’m also completely devoid of any reasonable human faculties and garner the dexterity of a pig in a gymnastics class.. it just ain’t pretty.
So, three regular readers, why am I writing here tonight to you?
A good friend of mine today (let’s call her ‘Lucy’… *smile*) told me that she’s thinking of hooking back up with this guy who she’s known for a long time, and who she’s enjoyed an on-again-off-again-on-again-somewhat-off-again … ah fuck it, you get the picture. Let’s just say it hasn’t always been rosy times.
At first I found myself listening intently and thinking ‘wtf are you doing?!?!?’, but after only seconds my tune started to change. For relationships are complex beasts, they’re not single-dimensional, they don’t fit inside perfectly ribboned boxes and for the vast part, they are multi-faceted, ever changing and likely at one or more points in your life to cause you grief, discomfort, pain, loneliness or any combination in between for a short, or possibly extended period of time.
As lives move swirl in a ridiculous amount of directions, it’s not as easy to say when you’re a teenager that you’re just going to blow someone off and forget them forever. By the time you get a little older, you have wounds, war scars and you’ve seen your fair share of dumpings (either giving or receiving), and it all makes you a little more patient about those around you, those who sometimes drive you crazy but you can’t live without, and those that are there for you when you never realised you needed them around.
So, when this thing started five years ago, it was all about me. There was no audience, there was nobody reading, there were just my thoughts and my ideals spewed out (poorly articulated I might add), and to be frank, that’s what made it absolutely glorious. I posted because I wanted to, because it felt good to get some of the crazy and melancholic out of my head and into a forum that I could read back, in the privacy of my own computer, and gain a level of satisfaction from seeing my incoherent ramblings down, if only for posterity’s sake.
And somewhere along the way, I lost site of that. Even though this has never been hugely visited, there was a time when people would roll in here regularly, (in the hundreds!), read what I had to say, very rarely if ever comment, and then move on to do the things in their daily lives. And for me, that was both endearing and overwhelming. I never felt pressure to turn up here with something witty or articulate, but I did start get the feeling that i’d have to compress or compartmentalise some parts of my life to accommodate those people who now read what I had to say (candidly) on an open forum such as this.
And so when I got into relationships, parts of the story started to disappear from these pages, and the gaps started to grow.
So, for the most part I stopped writing on here.
And now that i’m a few years on, and i’ve seen how Lucy’s blog has grown and matured into something that is bigger and more popular than her, however she’s managed to add a sense of grace and poise to the very frank, very honest medium that is blogging. And it’s made me want to start writing here again.
Because i’m trying to find that part of me, trying to get to some of my demons and get them outta my head (I suddenly see Kylie in a short skirt….. or an agent provocateur ad…. but alas, i digress) and into a safe haven, if only so they don’t take up so much space. And I want to start talking again in this place about the things and people that matter to me, even if they only get to find out what’s happening in the important parts of my lives through these pages.
So over the next few months i’m going to do my best to unwind myself from the lounge, move myself to the Mac and start tearing out a few pages here, at least 3 times a week. I want to talk about life, love, travel, romance, sex, fireworks and porn (for the locals, there’s a Canberra reference for you..) and deliver in the only way i know how.
by incoherently rambling…
I hope you enjoy what i have to say, and i’d love to hear your thoughts through the comments, good or bad.
Adam
p.s – i’ll let you know when the average post count makes it to 0.38
I write this to you in the BA lounge……
And I suppose the first two items in this title probably make sense, but alcohol poisoning?!??!
So my work colleague and I (now, let’s say for this post we’ll call him ‘Sean’ …. his name actually is Sean, i’m just too fucking stupid to keep putting a pseudonym in so we’re sticking with it) have been working pretty solidly in the great Great Britain, travelling by every means of transportation imaginable and seemingly getting to know the friendly guys and gals at Novotel Reading like they’rere our family. They even remember what my drink is after a 6 month hiatus away…
So as we enter the final stages of the trip, trying to finalise the gargantuan report that we (I!) have been writing for the past 3 weeks and deciding that we should catch up with one of our local vendors (I will add here that he is a known pisshead and his very-soon-to-be-wife doesn’t mind the odd tipple either) and shake off some of the stress we’ve been under.
My recollection of the night is something like this:
18:30 - Start in the hotel lobby, consume a scotch-and-dry and gobble down a handful of nuts and make our way to the wheel-and-barrow (or the elephant and spade, or the cock and spaneil… really, the english love these pub names..)
18:45 - First pint of Cider (no, not that strongbow arse, we’re talking hand pumped, off the barrel, tongue-melting, draino-smelling nectar that takes the hairs off your arse and back and promptly hands them to you in a handbag for later reattachment)
19:30 – Third pint of Cider is going down faster than Britney’s panties on the VHA awards. Adam, who has been working on being less talkative, no longer constrained by that ass-about logic (whysh would i notch want to speeeak, i means … reallY!), gets amongst the conversations like a born-again-evangelist aiming for his million-dollar-week of donations so he can buy himself a new ferrari…
20:30 – Several weeks of pub fare and italian food, we head to a local Thai haunt to swallow down some fantastic local treats … ridiculous pricing, but hey, works paying so alls well in the world. Two more ciders (mangums of cider, so … 800ml a bottle) are consumed.
22:00 – Stumblilng ever so slightly, elegance and finesse in walking replaced by being the funniest guys in the world and that real men that we are, we should head to a local for a few more drinks.
22:10 – As Adam hasn’t yet popped the question, Adam receives a cock ring (there’s no other way of explaining this) to help kick off the process……
0:00 – Not only are Sean, Steve and Adam the funniest guys in the world, we’re also now the smartest. Having solved the worlds problems, engaged in deep and meaningful debate of the implications of football on the prosperity of the nation, finding out that the Brits actually made it to the world cup (how the fuck they thought they might miss out beats me??) and the pub kicking us out, we decide that a 24 hour establishment is in order.
…… guess what the only place in town that’s open 24 hours and sells lots of drinks …….
uhhuh….
1:30 – After having kept our hands firmly in our pockets, our eyes watering and our mouths filled with an assortment of flies and other small creatures of need, we realise boredom is setting in, and Steve is dying for a smoke so we return to another local with an outside bar… and every smoking in Reading standing there bringing on the cancer …..
2:00 – The party’s just getting started, and in tow we have nigh on a dozen people having a soddin’ good time and Adam steps it up a few notches with the storytelling of times gone and been, craziness encountered and general debauchery of when he was incredibly young, totally irresponsible and living some kind of evil dream …..
2:30 – An englishman(!) things we’re cracking onto a irish lass that we’ve been talking with (she wants rid of him, i can’t stop taking the piss out of him) …. so invites us to a drinking competition. Now mind you, by now Sean is on fire, he’s a drinking machine (probably ten pent up years of marriage and three weeks away from his missus) so he’s like ‘absolutely… you buy the first round’ … and off he toddles….. Of course as we’re aussies we’re just thinking free-fucking-booze… gold! and therefore continue to be amused at the antics of this guy.
3:00 – Adam finds out that this irish lass in a skydiver…… Adam has only worked out a few minutes ago he now knows why is neck is so sore… practicing arch manouvers on a table surrounded by twenty people with the bouncer letting you off the hook because you’re an aussie… (aussies rock ) ……
So back to the skydiving, all is good, we all reminisce and Adam finds out that this lass’s instructor has also taught Adam how to skydive for some of his advanced techniques…..
English boy gets more upset at Adam and Sean being excited. English boy buys more drinks in an attempt to drink us under the table.
Adam and Sean step it up :)
3:30 – (btw, *some* time between 2-3:30 Steve went home.. something about still wanting to have a wife and work… work-smerk we say!) ….. world is really staring to spin now, things getting a little cloudy. We head back indoors to find a lass with surface piercings…..
Adam loses his fucking mind and practically gropes this girl (her piercings, not her!) as this is some of the best work he’s ever seen. Apparently Reading has one of the best surface piercers in the country and she’s had some of her work in for two years. Adam then realises that he can’t get piercing done tomorrow because the alcohol won’t be out of his system.
Adam decides that he needs another drink to fill the gap of sorrow in his heart.
Sean just joins in because he wants another drink.
4:00 – Adam and Sean decide now’s a good time to go home… it wasn’t dark anymore and they both had to do an executive presentation to a CEO, a CFO and a regional director… in 5 hours …..
4:20 – After stubling home, Adam and Sean find out why good hotels are worth their weight in gold. Security guard breaks into the lobby bar and steals us 2 x litre bottles of sparkling mineral water. Heaven.
And so you have it, the circle of life, the hotels, the pubs, the clubs, the lobbies and the lounges …….
So how was your Thursday night?
Adam
