I did something tonight that I should have done a long time ago…
I registered a new domain for myself, and started a new blog….
(and no, i’m not telling *anyone* about it).
I realise now that in some ways I made a grave error when I first registered this site. I told people about it.
And by doing that, all the great benefits of anonymity went flying out the window, leaving me in a position where to get the things off my chest that are really going on would be to compromise myself in ways that were both not in my best interest, but more importantly could and would be perceived by others as something completely outside of my ‘real’ reality.
And almost certainly hurt people unnecessarily. And that’s just not cool.
(i’m not sure if that makes sense)
So i’ve done the best thing I can do, i’ve registered a new space and i’m not telling anyone about it.
And now that I have ….. i’ve started to write again …… and I realised how absolutely and utterly delightful it is to just write what I feel and not have the repurcussions other than to get it out of my crazy headspace, turn it into a pseudo-reality and then from there … discard it as exactly that, the crazy and incoherent ramblings of someone who’s just human, who has learnt to deal with most of his limitations but still fucks it up sometimes and somebody who’s not the bad guy, just needs to have his own headspace once in a while.
It feels good to write and only be accountable to myself, and by writing about all the craziness, i’m freed from it.
And the best thing is that all the people I love and care about won’t have to deal with me (so much) when I decide to have an unnecessarily selfish and crazy bout of self-doubt, self-destruction and self-loathing.
And i’m already starting to feel better about it.
So from here on out i’m going to try to write more about my life, try to use facebook less and write about the things that are good, that are interesting, that are hard and that are what I work for.
And i’m going to keep the insanity to someone where only I can find.
Hope you still drop back here from time to time to read about my ‘normal’ life.
Adam