09.15.08
0.37 and other interesting statistics
0.37 posts per day is pretty pathetic, isn’t it?
So over five years of this blog, i’ve managed to write something, on average, every third day ….. this has not been the highlight of my week to see that statistic.
As you saw earlier (my keen attempt at propping up said post count), i’m suffering the beautiful effects of jetlag. Because of said jetlag, i’m also completely devoid of any reasonable human faculties and garner the dexterity of a pig in a gymnastics class.. it just ain’t pretty.
So, three regular readers, why am I writing here tonight to you?
A good friend of mine today (let’s call her ‘Lucy’… *smile*) told me that she’s thinking of hooking back up with this guy who she’s known for a long time, and who she’s enjoyed an on-again-off-again-on-again-somewhat-off-again … ah fuck it, you get the picture. Let’s just say it hasn’t always been rosy times.
At first I found myself listening intently and thinking ‘wtf are you doing?!?!?’, but after only seconds my tune started to change. For relationships are complex beasts, they’re not single-dimensional, they don’t fit inside perfectly ribboned boxes and for the vast part, they are multi-faceted, ever changing and likely at one or more points in your life to cause you grief, discomfort, pain, loneliness or any combination in between for a short, or possibly extended period of time.
As lives move swirl in a ridiculous amount of directions, it’s not as easy to say when you’re a teenager that you’re just going to blow someone off and forget them forever. By the time you get a little older, you have wounds, war scars and you’ve seen your fair share of dumpings (either giving or receiving), and it all makes you a little more patient about those around you, those who sometimes drive you crazy but you can’t live without, and those that are there for you when you never realised you needed them around.
So, when this thing started five years ago, it was all about me. There was no audience, there was nobody reading, there were just my thoughts and my ideals spewed out (poorly articulated I might add), and to be frank, that’s what made it absolutely glorious. I posted because I wanted to, because it felt good to get some of the crazy and melancholic out of my head and into a forum that I could read back, in the privacy of my own computer, and gain a level of satisfaction from seeing my incoherent ramblings down, if only for posterity’s sake.
And somewhere along the way, I lost site of that. Even though this has never been hugely visited, there was a time when people would roll in here regularly, (in the hundreds!), read what I had to say, very rarely if ever comment, and then move on to do the things in their daily lives. And for me, that was both endearing and overwhelming. I never felt pressure to turn up here with something witty or articulate, but I did start get the feeling that i’d have to compress or compartmentalise some parts of my life to accommodate those people who now read what I had to say (candidly) on an open forum such as this.
And so when I got into relationships, parts of the story started to disappear from these pages, and the gaps started to grow.
So, for the most part I stopped writing on here.
And now that i’m a few years on, and i’ve seen how Lucy’s blog has grown and matured into something that is bigger and more popular than her, however she’s managed to add a sense of grace and poise to the very frank, very honest medium that is blogging. And it’s made me want to start writing here again.
Because i’m trying to find that part of me, trying to get to some of my demons and get them outta my head (I suddenly see Kylie in a short skirt….. or an agent provocateur ad…. but alas, i digress) and into a safe haven, if only so they don’t take up so much space. And I want to start talking again in this place about the things and people that matter to me, even if they only get to find out what’s happening in the important parts of my lives through these pages.
So over the next few months i’m going to do my best to unwind myself from the lounge, move myself to the Mac and start tearing out a few pages here, at least 3 times a week. I want to talk about life, love, travel, romance, sex, fireworks and porn (for the locals, there’s a Canberra reference for you..) and deliver in the only way i know how.
by incoherently rambling…
I hope you enjoy what i have to say, and i’d love to hear your thoughts through the comments, good or bad.
Adam
p.s - i’ll let you know when the average post count makes it to 0.38 