12.25.08
Scrap that..
NO XMAS party cocktails tonight…
Adam is sad…
12.24.08
.. closer …
The night of the getting-drunk-on-cocktails-and-attempting-to-post is getting closer….
… cloooooosssseeerrrrrr …….
09.12.08
Hotel rooms, BA lounges and alcohol poisoning
I write this to you in the BA lounge……
And I suppose the first two items in this title probably make sense, but alcohol poisoning?!??!
So my work colleague and I (now, let’s say for this post we’ll call him ‘Sean’ …. his name actually is Sean, i’m just too fucking stupid to keep putting a pseudonym in so we’re sticking with it) have been working pretty solidly in the great Great Britain, travelling by every means of transportation imaginable and seemingly getting to know the friendly guys and gals at Novotel Reading like they’rere our family. They even remember what my drink is after a 6 month hiatus away…
So as we enter the final stages of the trip, trying to finalise the gargantuan report that we (I!) have been writing for the past 3 weeks and deciding that we should catch up with one of our local vendors (I will add here that he is a known pisshead and his very-soon-to-be-wife doesn’t mind the odd tipple either) and shake off some of the stress we’ve been under.
My recollection of the night is something like this:
18:30 - Start in the hotel lobby, consume a scotch-and-dry and gobble down a handful of nuts and make our way to the wheel-and-barrow (or the elephant and spade, or the cock and spaneil… really, the english love these pub names..)
18:45 - First pint of Cider (no, not that strongbow arse, we’re talking hand pumped, off the barrel, tongue-melting, draino-smelling nectar that takes the hairs off your arse and back and promptly hands them to you in a handbag for later reattachment)
19:30 - Third pint of Cider is going down faster than Britney’s panties on the VHA awards. Adam, who has been working on being less talkative, no longer constrained by that ass-about logic (whysh would i notch want to speeeak, i means … reallY!), gets amongst the conversations like a born-again-evangelist aiming for his million-dollar-week of donations so he can buy himself a new ferrari…
20:30 - Several weeks of pub fare and italian food, we head to a local Thai haunt to swallow down some fantastic local treats … ridiculous pricing, but hey, works paying so alls well in the world. Two more ciders (mangums of cider, so … 800ml a bottle) are consumed.
22:00 - Stumblilng ever so slightly, elegance and finesse in walking replaced by being the funniest guys in the world and that real men that we are, we should head to a local for a few more drinks.
22:10 - As Adam hasn’t yet popped the question, Adam receives a cock ring (there’s no other way of explaining this) to help kick off the process……
0:00 - Not only are Sean, Steve and Adam the funniest guys in the world, we’re also now the smartest. Having solved the worlds problems, engaged in deep and meaningful debate of the implications of football on the prosperity of the nation, finding out that the Brits actually made it to the world cup (how the fuck they thought they might miss out beats me??) and the pub kicking us out, we decide that a 24 hour establishment is in order.
…… guess what the only place in town that’s open 24 hours and sells lots of drinks …….
uhhuh….
1:30 - After having kept our hands firmly in our pockets, our eyes watering and our mouths filled with an assortment of flies and other small creatures of need, we realise boredom is setting in, and Steve is dying for a smoke so we return to another local with an outside bar… and every smoking in Reading standing there bringing on the cancer …..
2:00 - The party’s just getting started, and in tow we have nigh on a dozen people having a soddin’ good time and Adam steps it up a few notches with the storytelling of times gone and been, craziness encountered and general debauchery of when he was incredibly young, totally irresponsible and living some kind of evil dream …..
2:30 - An englishman(!) things we’re cracking onto a irish lass that we’ve been talking with (she wants rid of him, i can’t stop taking the piss out of him) …. so invites us to a drinking competition. Now mind you, by now Sean is on fire, he’s a drinking machine (probably ten pent up years of marriage and three weeks away from his missus) so he’s like ‘absolutely… you buy the first round’ … and off he toddles….. Of course as we’re aussies we’re just thinking free-fucking-booze… gold! and therefore continue to be amused at the antics of this guy.
3:00 - Adam finds out that this irish lass in a skydiver…… Adam has only worked out a few minutes ago he now knows why is neck is so sore… practicing arch manouvers on a table surrounded by twenty people with the bouncer letting you off the hook because you’re an aussie… (aussies rock :)) ……
So back to the skydiving, all is good, we all reminisce and Adam finds out that this lass’s instructor has also taught Adam how to skydive for some of his advanced techniques…..
English boy gets more upset at Adam and Sean being excited. English boy buys more drinks in an attempt to drink us under the table.
Adam and Sean step it up :)
3:30 - (btw, *some* time between 2-3:30 Steve went home.. something about still wanting to have a wife and work… work-smerk we say!) ….. world is really staring to spin now, things getting a little cloudy. We head back indoors to find a lass with surface piercings…..
Adam loses his fucking mind and practically gropes this girl (her piercings, not her!) as this is some of the best work he’s ever seen. Apparently Reading has one of the best surface piercers in the country and she’s had some of her work in for two years. Adam then realises that he can’t get piercing done tomorrow because the alcohol won’t be out of his system.
Adam decides that he needs another drink to fill the gap of sorrow in his heart.
Sean just joins in because he wants another drink.
4:00 - Adam and Sean decide now’s a good time to go home… it wasn’t dark anymore and they both had to do an executive presentation to a CEO, a CFO and a regional director… in 5 hours …..
4:20 - After stubling home, Adam and Sean find out why good hotels are worth their weight in gold. Security guard breaks into the lobby bar and steals us 2 x litre bottles of sparkling mineral water. Heaven.
And so you have it, the circle of life, the hotels, the pubs, the clubs, the lobbies and the lounges …….
So how was your Thursday night?
Adam
05.07.07
Random shite in my day
In light of me being relatively intoxicated (in a foreign country no less), I have these words of wisdom:
1. Watch this clip … -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ25-glGRzI ….. this girl is faaarking hot!
2. I want this car (heck, i think i’m going to buy it!) -> Uhhuh
3. I have roped my idiot mates into mutual shaving (no, there’s no way of politely saying that!) ….. So for us boys it’s the crack, back and sack… for the girls, it’s brazillian all the way!
3. 5 - The day for this monumentous occassion is the 26th of May …. i’ll let you know the results (but promise no photos!) shortly thereafter!
4. You can buy 1.2 litre bottles of alcohol in the UK at the supermarket for fuck-all….
5. I think i’m in love
Adam
05.06.07
Multiplied by 2.35
Faaark me!
Everything in the UK is multiplied by 2.35…
Spend money, it costs you 2.35 times as much (which terrifies me when it comes to food and hotel bills)
Buy alcohol, and you get 2.35 times as much (holy shit, i’ve just knocked by 4 Long Island Ice Teas and I have no fucking idea if any of this is even making sense!) [standard LIIT... 250 mils of grog... weeeeeeee!]
Go to the local supermarket, you can buy 2.35 times as much (I just bought my first batch of alcohol at 7-11…… even kept the receipt, woohoo!)
…..
I don’t know if i’m in heaven or hell folks
Adam
04.30.07
First day in London.. ever
Difference between me and most people…
Instead of seeing the sites, taking in the vast cultural differences, exploring back alleys and immersing myself in a new country.
I went and played paintball ….
(if only I was kidding)
Adam
03.26.07
Meanwhile
To take my head away from the pain, I decided that the smartest thing I could do is…
Get my tongue piereced…. (uhhuh)
Adam
12.25.06
Cocktail Party Post - 2006
12:18 - Update #2
Now i’m starting to get pissed.
Since the last post:
- I’ve been skinny dipping (actually all very harmless, didn’t have swimmers)
- I’ve drunk a lot more
- I’ve drunk a lot more
Woohoo!
Adam
20:41 - Update #1
Slightly more pissed this time around….
Now I seem to be drinking drinks like ‘French pussies’ and ‘Headjobs’ (don’t blame me, that’s what they’re called)….
I think i’m starting to get pissed….
Adam
19:55 - First Post
Well it’s coming up to 8pm and the drinks have started to flow. Once again, true to tradition i’ll attempt to keep track of both drink consumption numbers and general state of inebriation during the festivities of the evening.
I will admit that tonight (so far) things are relatively quiet however i’m sure that’s about to change for the better.
Adam
12.05.06
I’m Back
All this and more when I get a chance to post….
5 Second higlights:
- I bungy jumped, 3 times (including the biggest in NZ.. of course)
- I drank, I drank a lot
- I put on 4 kilos, so now i’m fat
- I got everyone to party like it was 1999, and made myself the life of the party
- I earned the nickname ‘Chief’ (which yes, i’m very fond of)
- I had an amazing time
Loving all your work
Adam