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So Dan wants to know what the most romantic thing we have done for a girl is? Hmmm.. would you consider not shaggin her in the ass for once romantic? Just joking, I don’t go there, its a one way street and I respect that law

I don’t know if it was the most romantic thing I have ever done but here goes.

I had the day off work and at some point during the day I get a call from my partner. She is having a bad day and is rather down/frustrated. So before she gets home I go down to my favourite florist (yes I have a favourite florist, how gay is that ) anyway.. to continue. I buy her a large bunch of flowers (this in itself isn’t that uncommon as I usually buy my partner flowers or something to show my affection often) take them home and set them up in the bathroom. About 10 mins before she is due home I draw her a nice hot bath, open some wine so it can breathe and patiently await.

She gets home, I tell her to go take a bath and I will be in soon with some wine. She jumps in the bath, I give her wine and let her just lay there for a while. Afterwards I come in and wash her hair for her (making sure to give her a very thorough head massage). During her soaking time I have made dinner (once again not an uncommon occurance as I actually enjoy cooking). Dinner was presented to her when she was finished in the bath. Afterwards we watched some tele while I gave her a massage. She seemed to be rather relaxed and forgot all about her crap day at work.

And yes Dan, I got laid afterwards. Like I said, not sure if this is the most romantic, but its something that definately comes to mind.

Matt

Matt Uncategorized sex and love

Ok, so I’m at work, I’m moderately bored. Am I bored enough to post? To post or not to post that is the question.

I have obviously decided to post. I don’t really have a topic to post about, which flies in the face of my last post in which I mentioned that I usually don’t talk unless necessary. At the moment I feel its necessary for me to talk to relieve boredom, or I shall probably go insane and raid the offices of the people we support and go homicidal on their asses.

Firstly a topic that always makes me smile.. Delta. Nuff said.

Secondly if you feel you are a l337, and have m4d h4XX0r sk1llz, then head over to try2hack, click on start and play the game. Personally I don’t have m4d h4XX0r sk1llz so I suck and had to be given hints on how to progress through some of the levels. No I won’t give hints if people ask.

Thirdly, out of shear boredom I have compiled a list of movie quotes. Adam will probably do his damndest to solve them and if anyone else feels they want to as well, just add your results to the comments field and be content in the fact that you were as bored as myself. Some of them will be easy, others not so easy and just for the hell of it some will be fucking obscure. Mind you, as I was doing this I kept going through all the quotes and wanted to make them all obscure.. but then I guess no-one would get any satisfaction from getting some of them.

Quotes:
1. I don’t know what he can do to save us. But I do know that as long as there is a single breath left in his body he will not give up and neither can we

2. Captain’s Log, stardate 29.6, rounded off to the ….nearest decimal point. We’ve…traveled back in time to save an ancient species from….total annihilation. SO FAR…no…signs of aquatic life anywhere, but I’m going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I’m going to find it. I’ve…..GOT TO, MISTER!

3. You wanna cut my throat, go ahead! You wanna cut my fuckin’ head off and use it for a fuckin’ basketball?! You can bowl with the motherfucker for all I care! Just don’t let HIM do it!! I don’t wanna get killed by this limey, immigrant JERKOFF! I wanna get killed by an AMERICAN jerkoff!

4. You gotta think about it like the first time you got laid. You gotta go: “Daddy, are you sure this is right?”

5. I’m thinking about taking that new chick from Logistics. If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: Oh! Oh!

6. I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she’s yours. f you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.

7. I once talked a guy out of blowing up the Sears Tower but I can’t talk my wife out of the bedroom or my kid off the phone.

8. Reporting live for Black TV! White folks are dead, we’re getting the fuck out of here!

9. I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I’ll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.

10. Voila: the ZF-1. It’s light. Handle’s adjustable for easy carrying; good for righties and lefties. Breaks down into 4 parts, undetectable by x-ray; ideal for quick, discreet interventions. A word on firepower. Three thousand round clip with bursts of 3 to 300. With the Replay button (another Zorg invention) it’s even easier. One shot, and Replay sends every following shot to the same location. And to finish the job, all the Zorg oldies but goldies. Rocket launcher. Arrow launcher, with explodin’ and poisonous gas heads. Very practical. Our famous net launcher. The ALWAYS efficient flame-thrower. My favorite. And for the Grand Finale, the all new “Ice Cube System!”

11. Marla… the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can’t.

12. If the Mario brothers weren’t New Jersey’s third-largest crime family, I’d say, “Kiss my ass.” But considering your status, I will say, “Slurp my butt.”

13. I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don’t you take that away, I’m eating that, damn it! It is poison, isn’t it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that’s been hit too much or ain’t been hit enough, I can’t make up my mind. You’re useless, Beatrice! The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck!

14. Dost my ears deceive me? 3? You are down by one, boy!

And last but not least..

15. Well that’s great, that’s just fuckin’ great man, now what the fuck are we supposed to do? We’re in some real pretty shit now man… That’s it man, game over man, game over, man! Game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?

Thats it. I’d be surprised if people got them all. Like I said, some are really obscure. I probably wouldn’t get them all if it wasn’t me doing up the thing.

Me, signing off, later all.

Matt Uncategorized rants

In this regard I am almost the polar opposite to Adam. Where he has said that he can and will talk underwater with cement in his mouth, I generally only talk when I have something to say or I’m just joining in with conversation. And even then I will be generally silent until something comes up that I feel I want to comment on.

That doesn’t mean that I have necessairly found something that I want to comment on while reading through all this mind you. I just feel that I need to let Adam know I still know how to find his site and post on it.

Something that has come to my attention reguarding Adam though. Now, don’t get me wrong, he is one of my best mates and if necessary I would probably maim or kill with or for him (MY BOY!! (on a side note Adam should be able to picture what I did when I said my boy)), but I feel this needs to be brought to his attention. Don’t get fired up Adam, its who you are and you probably can’t change that, and so here it goes…

Adam you emit a Cock-Blocking aura. There, it’s said. You probably don’t even realise this. I think it must come into effect when you go out with your mates. Its undetectable by other males but definately recognizable by females. The reason I say it must only come into effect when with mates is because from stories you tell you don’t seem to have any problems picking up alone. I have given this some thought, as I wouldn’t blatently come out and say something like this without some thought having gone into it.

Now that thats out of the way we can continue. I have finally got access to the internet from home again and I’m happy. Why am I happy you might ask? Surely checking up what is on tele from home by going to one of the many online TV guides is useful, as is checking up on movie times before going to the cinema’s. Checking work emails from home is useful as it lets you read and partially get over those snide emails from your non-confrontational-supervisor-who-acts-all-high-and-mighty-in-an-email-and-then-backs-the-fuck-down-when-you-stand-over-him-and-ask-him-about-it.. *pant pant*

No, I’m happy because I have my Everquest back. Thats right, I am an Everquest addict. Its been 4 hours since my last hit and I think I have the shakes already. Actually, its not quite that bad. It might sound like i’m justifying playing or something but I like the game as much for the gameplay as for the social aspect. meh, whatcha going to do. If it wasn’t for Adam and Dan badgering me to do things I would be more than content to plant my ass infront of the computer and play EQ for the better part of the day/week/month.

I’m bouncing all over the place today I know, but onto another topic. So I have decided for sure. Sometime next year, hopefully before June I plan on taking off overseas for a few weeks on a holiday. I’m looking at going to Canada and the US, Canada to go skiing and look around and the US to visit some friends that I play EQ with(see, EQ has its benefits, I get free accomodation while in the US ). The more I think about the more I am keen to do it. I have never left Australia and travelled so this will be a great experiance, or so I am hoping.

Thats all from me for now

Edited to fix spelling errors and other shit.. content still the same.. Punctuation is for the oppressed!!

Matt Uncategorized rants

I hate users. Occasionally you get a good user call in, but you know that there isn’t much hope for them. Because soon they will have their intelligence sapped away by the masses of dumb fools and they will just be another drone, calling and whining about meaningless faults. Your calls arn’t important to us, regardless of what the phone message says.

The only person that can save us is The BOFH. On that note this is one of the funnier ones I have read recently. But on a whole they are all good.

If for some reason you don’t know who the Bastard Operator from Hell is then shame on you. Take yourself here 95-99 and start reading. Once done, go here 2k then and read all of that. Here is 2k+1, this is 2002 archive. Yeah, its a lot of reading but its pretty amusing, even now when I go back and read them again. The first link up above The BOFH was and is the link to the 2003 stuff.

Back on to me complaining about people. I don’t ask for much really. It would make my job alot easier if people knew what a computer was. When I ask someone to look at the computer and tell me if the power light is on or if the HDD light is on or if it is just flickering. Dead set, 99.999999999999999% of people tell me that the computer only has a green light. I tell them to stop looking at the monitor and look at the actual computer. At about this point 70% of people tell me that the only computer they have only has a green light. Once again I tell them to forget all about the monitor, pretend it doesn’t exist until I ask them to once again notice it. Right after this I start telling them that some people call the computer ‘the box’ or ‘the hard drive’, now it may be me just being anal, but I have something against refering to a computer as ‘the box’ or ‘the hard drive’ due to the fact that I know the hard drive is inside the computer, is a hell of a lot smaller and DOES NOT HAVE A FUCKING KEYBOARD, MOUSE, MONITOR AND NETWORK CABLE PLUGGED INTO IT. Another call we get that just baffles the shit out of us is (and I swear this is true);

LUser: My tv’s are all off, so are my terminals, and my branch controller
Us: Ok sir, can you try turning the computer on for me please (insert previous problem where they don’t know what a computer is here)
LUser: I can’t see it that well, as we are in the middle of a black out at the moment and I don’t have a torch, could you send a tech out for us?
Us: ……….
Us: Ok, sending a tech out won’t help if you don’t have power sir, just wait till it comes back on and if you still have problems give us a call back.

I shouldn’t be surprised at some peoples stupidity. Actually, lets be REALLY generous and call it lack of understanding, but really, in todays age, if you don’t know what a computer is there should be a chance that you will be shot. I am mildly tolerant of people that sound old when they call and ask about problems and I have to hold their hand while fixing them, but when you get a guy or girl that sounds young and doesn’t know the difference between a monitor and the PC itself that is when I want to reach down the phoneline, shove my fist down their throat and drag their arse out through their mouth attempting to turn them inside out.

Enough, while venting is good, its not doing me any favours remembering the dumb people.

Matthew out…

Matt Uncategorized rants

One looks at the other and says, ‘Dam’

My god this could make for a large post, lots to catch up on and reply to these two I’m assuming you’ve read all the previous posts, because I’m only pasting in the first line or two of the ones I’m replying to… and off we go..

How boys can switch their emotions off so easily?

Sometimes its very easy to be cold and emotionless. I’m pretty good at it when I wish to/or have to be. Other times though its not as easy. Using that example of yours Eve, the guy in question may have been questioning whether or not the relation was worth continuing for quite some time. The relationship may not have been working for him but he was just using it to be comfortable until he found someone better. Yes that is pretty cold but it may be close to the truth. That or I’m just full of shit and its all good.

Boys and their toys

Adams anti-cab thing aside, tight bastard that he is, I have to agree with you Eve. In some ways boys will never grow up. There is usually something inside each one of us that needs to have new things to play with. Be they toys or otherwise hehe

Pet names for penises

Don’t have one. And I’ve been called weird for not naming it. Beats me, I don’t see the point.

This one is not for me, it’s on the behalf of a girl I was speaking to today who was complaining that after sex all her boyfriend does is roll over and go to sleep

The man should be shot. He gives us a bad name.

Now just because a girl has breasts doesn’t mean that non eye contact while talking with her is cool

Sorry.. what was that, I was kinda distracted for a sec. Ummm, sometimes it happens and other times no. I try to maintain eye contact when possible, but damn, its hard to manage it at times. Not to say I’m a leering fool, I just try not to as much as possible. 99% of the time my eyes are where they should b , its just the other 1% is when I get caught out not having them where they should be that is the problem.

Once again disregarding Adam and the boys, how boys can be good friends with another guy yet never have a conversation longer than 5 minutes that doesn’t involve, beer, chicks and sport. What do you actually talk about?

Hey Adam, the other night when we were drinking beer and watching the union match, did you happen to see that girl that was in the crowd, you know the one I’m talking about… Back to the question, No. Actually sometimes we can, but usually we get bored and turn back to one of those topics.

Hanging onto the t-shirt you first got lucky in, the hat you got (insert favourite sporting guy) to autograph, I completely understand that. But wearing said ratty t-shirt/hat in public? Piece of advice, if you ever want to get laid again, leave the offending article of clothing at home or for drinking with the boys

Can’t say I do that. So couldn’t really comment on it. Though I know guys that do do it, and I still don’t see the point. Its not like the shirt has now been infused with some power that oozes ‘get your fuck on’ pheromones or anything, its a shirt, you washed it, if there was any chance that those pheromones actually existed, they are gone now, get over it.

Fascination with video games

I may be the wrong person to comment on this. My opinion would be too biased. I play many video games

The constant rearranging of yourself

I try not to do it in public, but if I have to I have to, I don’t apologise for it. Maybe you have to have a penis to understand.

Matt Uncategorized jokes

See, I can come up with stupid titles for the post as well.

And as we continue with our previous show, classic quotes from Adam…

“Kylie, Kylie, Kylie…. Holly doesn’t even rate in comparison. She’s our adopted-Australian”

Umm.. dude.. SHE IS FUCKING AUSTRALIAN!!! and that is all.

Not to make myself sounds psychotic or anything, as I try to do that as little as possible, a guy at work today was telling me about the chickens he has been breeding and whatnot at his place. And I make a quip regarding his chickens and dinner. He then says that he fully intends to kill the rooster as soon as it gets its ‘voice’ so that it doesn’t wake him up and have him ‘over for dinner’ if you will. He then proceeded to have a conversation with another lady who was in the vincinity who also has chickens/ducks/turkey’s etc at her place and regurlary kills hem for dinner, about the best way to kill the chickens. After a while I step into the conversation and ask if either of them if they have a problem with killing these animals. (I’m generally a gentle person, of course what I say soon will make some question that but its true nonetheless. I get a squeemish feeling inside when it comes to hurting animals and whatnot). Both of them answered in the negative, as I guess I knew they would even before I asked, but it got me to thinking. I personally don’t think I could do it. As much as a rooster may annoy me and all that I don’t think I could actually go out and pin it to the chopping block and chop its head off, or put it in a bag, with the head exposed, tie it upside down to the clothes line and then slit its throat and let it bleed to death (both of these options where discussed mind you). On the other hand, the thought of taking another humans life doesn’t invoke that feeling of squeemishness inside me. As I said, this may make me sound psychotic, and re-reading it again it does come across like that. This doesn’t mean that I intend to go out and kill or anything like that, I just felt it weird that those feelings weren’t there when that thought crossed my mind during the conversation. Of course, if ever presented with the need to actually kill another human I think it would probably then hit me and those feelings would surface

Anyway, enough of that. Some Friday humor for us all..

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

And finally a joke that I thought was amusing..

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?”

The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. “You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?”

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. “You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?”
The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse… alone.”

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent. Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, “Listen very carefully, for the last time I said… BRING POSSE!”

Enjoy your w/end all

Matt Uncategorized rants

Just quickly..

The only benefit I can see to coming into work during the day on a Thursday is that today is ‘Sushi Day’.

mmmmm sushi..

That is all

Matt Uncategorized rants

Women may think they have the monopoly on mystifying the opposite sex, but every so often men can do the same. Granted for the most part we can be predictable, but occasionally we have our moments.

Lets get down to these important questions then.

Who would win a fight between Pink and myself? Most likely Pink. I don’t think it would be too hard for her to whoop my ass all over the room. This being because I probably wouldn’t fight back. Mostly because I don’t condone hitting women for whatever reason. That and the fact that if my dad ever found out I hit a girl he would hunt me down and kill me. Only waiting until he met me in the afterlife (if there is one) to hear my side of the story. Even if he was 80 and moved at 4m an hour I would still worry about him finding me.

Even if he was dead I think he would come and haunt me for doing it. But as I said, I don’t condone it so she would whip my ass. I think even if I fought back, she would still win

Kylie Minogue, no question. While they are both beautiful girls, I would easily pick Kylie over Holly. Adam probably knows my reasoning, and if he answers the question then my answer will most likely be similar to his. I just think Kylie is tops as well. Though not as tops as Delta.

I have no comment on Mankind writing his book and it becoming a hit.

Matt Uncategorized rants

If Delta had got the ‘sympathy vote’ that you are so certain she got, then she would have won the album of the year as well. As it is she was just better than the others in the categories she won. The only vote that the Australian public had any input in, was the album and single with the most sales. All other topics are voted on by the aria board or some such thing.

Anyway, I knew you’d reply like this. You’re so negative

As discussed, depending on how things work out here at work, I may end up being offered a position in Sydney too, so make sure you have room for another flatmate. Mind you, I would probably only move down there to spite you. heh

“Have I mentioned I can be a shit-hot rollerblader”… lets be honest here, just drop the hot and everything in that sentance will be correct

signing off

Matt Uncategorized rants

but Delta Goodrem is tops. I state it here that I am totally a Delta fan. I may or may not recieve ridicule for this but I don’t care. Her music is great, and she is quite possibly one of the best looking girls EVER That and she seems to be almost too nice to be true, but I believe it totally.

I don’t want to harp on the subject too much, but if for any reason your reading this Delta then you can contact me through Adam, he knows my details, and I will be happy to respond w00t

Of course, Adam being the prick he is, would probably cock-block me and I’d never know, but if I ever found out he would then die in the most horrible fashion I could imagine.. and I have a very vivid imagination when it comes to these things (don’t let that scare you Delta ) hehehe

Anyone that knows me can think back to my thoughts on Britney Spears. Take that devotion (though I may not have stated it openly at times) and place it all in Delta’s camp. And this time I’m more than happy to admit it openly

So she made a clean sweep of the Aria’s, and I was very surprised (and I’m sure others were too) when she didn’t get the Album of the Year award, as she had dominated the rest of the awards ceremony. I’m not saying Powderfinger didn’t deserve Album of the year, I’m sure they did, I’m just not a fan of their music and would have been happier to see Delta take that one too

Ok, enough of my fanatical dedication. Though Adam is most likely going to kill me, I will state here that if you haven’t seen Kill Bill you are only hurting yourself. This is an awesome movie and your life will be better for having viewed it.

I’m not a huge fan of Quentin Tarantino’s but I absolutely loved this movie from start to finish. I have heard reports that Australia got a slightly edited version of the movie. Nothing is cut out from it, its just that the large fight scene (where Uma has the katana and is surrounded by the Yakuza members) goes to black and white during it because we (Austalians) are not able to cope with the bloodshed in that scene. Apparently Japan and whatnot got the unedited version and their fight scene is in full colour the whole time. Whether or not this is true I am yet to verify, but I would like to see that scene in full c lour. Mind you, the fact that it goes to black and white in no way makes that scene any less cool

Fear not Adam, for I will definately see this movie again, and I will even pretend it is the first time I have seen it I’ve done this on numerous occasions anyway, its just that this time you will know ahead of time that I have seen it instead of me telling you afterwards or not at all. You know me, I’ll see movies multiple times for the heck of it, even if I didn’t think they were that great if you wanted me to go along. Its something to do and I don’t mind spending the time with you, though sometimes I may think differently in hindsight hehe

Matt Uncategorized rants