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Do I continue to run half marathons (and train for a full) when I know the pain it will cause me?

Adam

Adam uncategorized rants

As I sit here writing on my flight to Melbourne, stuck beside some arrogant person who has decided that sitting in the centre seat entitles you to take up both arm rests and make it ridiculously uncomfortable for me to type, I already wish I had a well-enough to do job that my company would fly me business on domestic flights…..  but alas, I don’t see that happening anytime soon I think….

 

Besides that, Jules and I have started to more passionately connect of late, on many levels (most of which I’m not going on in detail on this blog!), but what I’ve found most intriguing is that after enjoying the various phases of our relationship, we’re talking more openly and honestly with each other, we’re understanding of each other needs more and we’re making inroads into sharing our lives with each other, and forging a relationship that I’m really starting to see will go the distance. 

For I’m starting to see that it’s not just the ‘what we both like’s’ that make this thing work, it’s the intrinsic and symbiotic balance that you create with another human being, accepting fatal flaws, but also relishing in their imperfection that makes your relationship tangible, honest, flawed and, in every sense of the word, perfect.

 

I can definitely start to see that we are starting to form our own ideals on the world, views that were possibly at times opposing are now more bound together, we have our interests, while still keeping the personal traits that define us and keep our individual spirit alive.

 

So as I sit here on the plane to Melbourne, and wonder ‘what now’, I’m starting to see that there’s a whole lot more out there, and while the future is unknown, and therefore at times for me scary, there’s every reason to see that my life is happening each and every day, and the relationship that I have is really going to go the distance.

 

 

Moving onto somewhat simpler topics. We soon head off to Vietnam and Thailand for three weeks of cycling and general frivolity.   After launching from Bangkok after a duo-night stay where we will unfurl, relax and generally enjoy our last moments of warm showers, working toilets and modern facilities, we’ll be plunging ourselves into the darkness of varying routes, inclement weather, lean-to’s, pit toilets and 70km’s of hard cycling in some of the worlds most challenging conditions for 17 days.

 

And neither of us can wait…

 

While our trip last year to Europe was the trip of excess, the extra kilos added to my waistline would not budge for several months, and that largesse was not only uncomfortable, it was plain unsightly and has meant that my wardrobe hasn’t changed a single piece (barring one very nice suit) since last year.  However this year after this trip, that’s all going to change.  As our waist lines have been shrinking (and let me just say that Jules is looking *fine* of late…. Seriously!), the summer of 2008 will be the time for renewal, replenishment and indulgence on an entirely different scale to what we enjoyed in Europe.  We’re swapping Bratwurst for Bally, Lounging for Luis Vuitton (sp?) and Carbohydrates for Class (god, those were awful!).

This is all, of course, after I get my pay rise J

 

My work conditions continue to yo-yo out of control.  Every day I come into the office and something significant has changed, a staff member has been made redundant, new roles are starting up and our change programme is starting to fire on all cylinders.  The flow-on effect of this I’m starting to see as I’m part and parcel of this little change-extraordinaire, but I can’t help but thing that there are many out there who don’t yet know what’s coming, and don’t realise that their plot could very well be changing in ways they hadn’t considered over the next 12 months.  For real change to happen, every person must see that they have to do something different, yet every day I see people who will not accept that their universe at work is about to be different, and the need to change in this economic climate is mandatory.  But alas, I have no idea why I’m talking about work today……

 

My final words for the day are about that social networking phenomenon, Facebook, and in particular, my concern that most of my friends have listed 200+ people in their Facebook profile as ‘friends’ …. Now let’s get serious people, how the fuck do you keep up with that many people.  Personally I think that the number should be removed altogether, it just encourages people to doll up every person they every saw or spent 5 minutes with and add them in and therefore allow them access to a world that, honestly, most people outside those that you actually like, couldn’t give a fuck about.  So I did what no persona in the history of Facebook has ever done (or at leats I believe so).  I culled my numbers back.  And let me tell you, it felt great.  I ditched all the wankers that I met on our European holiday tour, dropped those that I’ve travelled to other countries with but will never get the chance to keep in contact with, and kept those in who I actually spent time with and enjoy the company of and will make a concerted effort to see when I travel overseas. 

 

So to Joe, Natanya, Chris, Paul, Lauren and the few others who I’ve met travelling overseas who I still have listed on my profile, you’re always welcome at my house when you arrive in beautiful Sydney.  The rest, find your own fucking accommodation….. J

 

Adam uncategorized

0.37 posts per day is pretty pathetic, isn’t it?  

So over five years of this blog, i’ve managed to write something, on average, every third day ….. this has not been the highlight of my week to see that statistic.

As you saw earlier (my keen attempt at propping up said post count), i’m suffering the beautiful effects of jetlag.  Because of said jetlag, i’m also completely devoid of any reasonable human faculties and garner the dexterity of a pig in a gymnastics class.. it just ain’t pretty.

So, three regular readers, why am I writing here tonight to you?

A good friend of mine today (let’s call her ‘Lucy’… *smile*) told me that she’s thinking of hooking back up with this guy who she’s known for a long time, and who she’s enjoyed an on-again-off-again-on-again-somewhat-off-again … ah fuck it, you get the picture.  Let’s just say it hasn’t always been rosy times.

At first I found myself listening intently and thinking ‘wtf are you doing?!?!?’, but after only seconds my tune started to change.  For relationships are complex beasts, they’re not single-dimensional, they don’t fit inside perfectly ribboned boxes and for the vast part, they are multi-faceted, ever changing and likely at one or more points in your life to cause you grief, discomfort, pain, loneliness or any combination in between for a short, or possibly extended period of time.

As lives move swirl in a ridiculous amount of directions, it’s not as easy to say when you’re a teenager that you’re just going to blow someone off and forget them forever.  By the time you get a little older, you have wounds, war scars and you’ve seen your fair share of dumpings (either giving or receiving), and it all makes you a little more patient about those around you, those who sometimes drive you crazy but you can’t live without, and those that are there for you when you never realised you needed them around.

So, when this thing started five years ago, it was all about me.  There was no audience, there was nobody reading, there were just my thoughts and my ideals spewed out (poorly articulated I might add), and to be frank, that’s what made it absolutely glorious.  I posted because I wanted to, because it felt good to get some of the crazy and melancholic out of my head and into a forum that I could read back, in the privacy of my own computer, and gain a level of satisfaction from seeing my incoherent ramblings down, if only for posterity’s sake.

And somewhere along the way, I lost site of that.  Even though this has never been hugely visited, there was a time when people would roll in here regularly, (in the hundreds!), read what I had to say, very rarely if ever comment, and then move on to do the things in their daily lives.  And for me, that was both endearing and overwhelming.  I never felt pressure to turn up here with something witty or articulate, but I did start get the feeling that i’d have to compress or compartmentalise some parts of my life to accommodate those people who now read what I had to say (candidly) on an open forum such as this.

And so when I got into relationships, parts of the story started to disappear from these pages, and the gaps started to grow.

So, for the most part I stopped writing on here.

And now that i’m a few years on, and i’ve seen how Lucy’s blog has grown and matured into something that is bigger and more popular than her, however she’s managed to add a sense of grace and poise to the very frank, very honest medium that is blogging.  And it’s made me want to start writing here again.

Because i’m trying to find that part of me, trying to get to some of my demons and get them outta my head (I suddenly see Kylie in a short skirt….. or an agent provocateur ad…. but alas, i digress) and into a safe haven, if only so they don’t take up so much space.  And I want to start talking again in this place about the things and people that matter to me, even if they only get to find out what’s happening in the important parts of my lives through these pages.

So over the next few months i’m going to do my best to unwind myself from the lounge, move myself to the Mac and start tearing out a few pages here, at least 3 times a week.  I want to talk about life, love, travel, romance, sex, fireworks and porn (for the locals, there’s a Canberra reference for you..) and deliver in the only way i know how.

by incoherently rambling…

I hope you enjoy what i have to say, and i’d love to hear your thoughts through the comments, good or bad.

Adam

p.s – i’ll let you know when the average post count makes it to 0.38

Adam uncategorized rants

that’s really all i have to say about that …..

Adam uncategorized rants

I write this to you in the BA lounge……

And I suppose the first two items in this title probably make sense, but alcohol poisoning?!??!

So my work colleague and I (now, let’s say for this post we’ll call him ‘Sean’ …. his name actually is Sean, i’m just too fucking stupid to keep putting a pseudonym in so we’re sticking with it) have been working pretty solidly in the great Great Britain, travelling by every means of transportation imaginable and seemingly getting to know the friendly guys and gals at Novotel Reading like they’rere our family.  They even remember what my drink is after a 6 month hiatus away…

So as we enter the final stages of the trip, trying to finalise the gargantuan report that we (I!) have been writing for the past 3 weeks and deciding that we should catch up with one of our local vendors (I will add here that he is a known pisshead and his very-soon-to-be-wife doesn’t mind the odd tipple either) and shake off some of the stress we’ve been under.

My recollection of the night is something like this:

18:30 - Start in the hotel lobby, consume a scotch-and-dry and gobble down a handful of nuts and make our way to the wheel-and-barrow (or the elephant and spade, or the cock and spaneil… really, the english love these pub names..)

18:45 - First pint of Cider (no, not that strongbow arse, we’re talking hand pumped, off the barrel, tongue-melting, draino-smelling nectar that takes the hairs off your arse and back and promptly hands them to you in a handbag for later reattachment)

19:30 – Third pint of Cider is going down faster than Britney’s panties on the VHA awards.  Adam, who has been working on being less talkative, no longer constrained by that ass-about logic (whysh would i notch want to speeeak, i means … reallY!), gets amongst the conversations like a born-again-evangelist aiming for his million-dollar-week of donations so he can buy himself a new ferrari…

20:30 – Several weeks of pub fare and italian food, we head to a local Thai haunt to swallow down some fantastic local treats … ridiculous pricing, but hey, works paying so alls well in the world.  Two more ciders (mangums of cider, so … 800ml a bottle) are consumed.

22:00 – Stumblilng ever so slightly, elegance and finesse in walking replaced by being the funniest guys in the world and that real men that we are, we should head to a local for a few more drinks. 

22:10 – As Adam hasn’t yet popped the question, Adam receives a cock ring (there’s no other way of explaining this) to help kick off the process…… 

0:00 – Not only are Sean, Steve and Adam the funniest guys in the world, we’re also now the smartest.  Having solved the worlds problems, engaged in deep and meaningful debate of the implications of football on the prosperity of the nation, finding out that the Brits actually made it to the world cup (how the fuck they thought they might miss out beats me??) and the pub kicking us out, we decide that a 24 hour establishment is in order.

…… guess what the only place in town that’s open 24 hours and sells lots of drinks …….

uhhuh….

1:30 – After having kept our hands firmly in our pockets, our eyes watering and our mouths filled with an assortment of flies and other small creatures of need, we realise boredom is setting in, and Steve is dying for a smoke so we return to another local with an outside bar… and every smoking in Reading standing there bringing on the cancer …..

2:00 – The party’s just getting started, and in tow we have nigh on a dozen people having a soddin’ good time and Adam steps it up a few notches with the storytelling of times gone and been, craziness encountered and general debauchery of when he was incredibly young, totally irresponsible and living some kind of evil dream …..

2:30 – An englishman(!) things we’re cracking onto a irish lass that we’ve been talking with (she wants rid of him, i can’t stop taking the piss out of him) …. so invites us to a drinking competition.  Now mind you, by now Sean is on fire, he’s a drinking machine (probably ten pent up years of marriage and three weeks away from his missus) so he’s like ‘absolutely… you buy the first round’ … and off he toddles….. Of course as we’re aussies we’re just thinking free-fucking-booze… gold! and therefore continue to be amused at the antics of this guy.

3:00 – Adam finds out that this irish lass in a skydiver…… Adam has only worked out a few minutes ago he now knows why is neck is so sore… practicing arch manouvers on a table surrounded by twenty people with the bouncer letting you off the hook because you’re an aussie… (aussies rock ) ……

So back to the skydiving, all is good, we all reminisce and Adam finds out that this lass’s instructor has also taught Adam how to skydive for some of his advanced techniques…..

English boy gets more upset at Adam and Sean being excited.  English boy buys more drinks in an attempt to drink us under the table.

Adam and Sean step it up :)

3:30 – (btw, *some* time between 2-3:30 Steve went home.. something about still wanting to have a wife and work… work-smerk we say!) ….. world is really staring to spin now, things getting a little cloudy.  We head back indoors to find a lass with surface piercings…..

Adam loses his fucking mind and practically gropes this girl (her piercings, not her!) as this is some of the best work he’s ever seen.  Apparently Reading has one of the best surface piercers in the country and she’s had some of her work in for two years.  Adam then realises that he can’t get piercing done tomorrow because the alcohol won’t be out of his system.

Adam decides that he needs another drink to fill the gap of sorrow in his heart.

Sean just joins in because he wants another drink.

4:00 – Adam and Sean decide now’s a good time to go home… it wasn’t dark anymore and they both had to do an executive presentation to a CEO, a CFO and a regional director… in 5 hours …..

4:20 – After stubling home, Adam and Sean find out why good hotels are worth their weight in gold.  Security guard breaks into the lobby bar and steals us 2 x litre bottles of sparkling mineral water.  Heaven.

 

And so you have it, the circle of life, the hotels, the pubs, the clubs, the lobbies and the lounges …….

So how was your Thursday night?

Adam

Adam uncategorized drinking and debauchery, rants, travel

For reasons unbeknownst to me, and for a person who talks more than most, i’ve struggled over the past few years to use this blog as an effective means of transmitting what’s been going on in my life.  Which probably doesn’t work so well as that’s it’s intended purpose and getting the thoughts out of my head is probably the safest option for everybody involved.

By looking at my stats today, i’ve had this blog for 1839 days (nigh on 6 years for those who don’t want to do the math) and it has been through various iterations: firstly when it was called a different name, secondly when it moved to this domain name but on blogger, and then several other iterations, tracks, turns and roundabouts before making its way to where I am today, with a free theme, boring content and a whole string of ideas in my mind that i’m still hoping to put into action….

And the sad thing is that I should have written all this down, for life has been pretty interesting, particularly in the last three years.  I’ve seen the people closest to me grow into themselves, find their way, get hitched, get kids and get-it-together.  I find it difficult looking back to articulate the way it makes me feel to see the transition, the gentle lines we have all developed that have softened our looks, made us more human and cemented our places in the world, nestled amongst those we care about, those we work with and those that randomly cross our paths.

I feel grateful that friends I know either work for me, with me or close to me (surprisingly, the first people to really read this blog represent two of my six membership base!) or stay in contact through the simple yet powerful medium of Facebook.  The tools we use today bring my friends into focus so much faster than before, though all of this technology somehow only seeks to divide me from them, as the tyranny of distance is still real, flights still have to be taken, trips made in the car and hours committed to spend the time with those that you wish to be around.

In the past months I have lost that connection with some people back home, and that truly saddens me as time, life commitments and a large bundle of work have made it difficult to commit the time required to feel the warmth of their skin in a bear hug or savour the look in their eyes when they laugh at a bad joke, or just to hear their voice when they’re talking about nothing of value or importance, making it all the more important and all the more meaningful for me. 

My trip to the UK has reaffirmed that while I enjoy being here, I am glad I didn’t follow that well-trodden path, I didn’t exercise that demon and make my way for a two year stint to ‘see the world’ (which, for most = spending 2 years in London, doing bugger-all travel and returning home after two blighty winters) as it’s only now as I get the luxury of spending that time with someone that makes me laugh and keeps me sane that I see how amazing the world around you is, how culture and distance are to be respected, to be embraced and to be cherished as part of a much larger image that we call life. 

With all that said, it still doesn’t mean I miss home anymore than I do right at this minute…

On the upside of this, travel has become an important component in my life, and not just for work, but i’ve also learnt the pure pleasure of engrossing myself in other worlds, other cultures and seeing the world from a different perspective.  And I know that’s changed me a lot.  My myopic views on the world and it’s surroundings have started to drop off.  Art, literature, economics, politics and our envrionment have all become topics that flood my mind, keep me thinking and regularly keeping me reassessing how i interact both with those that I care about, but also with those who are strangers to me.  Because of the travel bug, I take more holidays, take myself a little less seriously, and cherish more of that precious time that I have, though increasingly there seems to be less of it, and more to do with my day.

Fitness has always been something that has been discussed here, and I believe it must be an innate driver in my soul as while I may a get away from it at times, i’m continually dragged back in, by some invisible line it seems to push myself beyond my physical boundaries, to challenge my mind and muscles in a contest of wits, determination and (most would say) complete stupidity.

Hools (Jules) has been indoctrined in my life so much now that I simply don’t know what i’d do without her, and for that i’ve lost more than a few nights sleep.  Having somebody that you open up to on such a basic, human level leaves one open and exposed, naked in the breeze, and for me it’s something that I both cherish and fear, as I know that for reasons completely out of my control it may one day be dragged away from me.  But life, love and a great sense of happiness has shown me that one can’t wait for something to go wrong, one must live the moment, be happy and most importantly, be grateful for what we have.  Through knowing Hools I have learnt to accept certain inaliable truths: that i’m not in control, that happiness is something that you must accept and cherish and that ultimately, life is half chance and half hard work, one needs both to live happily ever after.

I am starting to invest more time in myself, more time simply for me and more time to inwardly reflect.  Meditation, soul searching and other non-traditional therapy techniques have helped me see a little more of myself, find some peace and break down some of the barriers that are in my own mind, restricting me from the freedom that I seek, and emancipating me to be the person that I still see in my mind that I want to be.

I’m starting to think that what I should do is more posts like this:  unedited, unstructured and simply a mind dump of what’s happening, as this is how thoughts come into my head, this is how my brain works, my world works and my life works.  Maybe I shouldn’t fight those things that come to me and wake me in the middle of the night, maybe I should harness them rather than languish them and maybe, just maybe, i’ll find some peace.

Maybe.

A

Adam uncategorized family, friends, rants

I’m a sofa king excited to be going to this thing

Watch the video to see more….

Adam uncategorized 2008, 2009

and I really don’t have the time to write it….  so i’m thinking about buying a voice recorder (no, I don’t intend on publishing it!) … just to let some of the thoughts out of my head….

That, and I want to start doing some mediation..

But until then, back to work…..

Adam uncategorized