Ed: Updated due to large segments of this being open to (mis)interpretation….
So it’s Christmas.. again… already and this year has literally flown by…
2007 : Year of the moral dilemma
To explain this year is to explain where the expression ‘toodaloo’* came from, or to attempt to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum, it just doesn’t fit into any neat packages, but as always, i’m going to give it a shot.
1. I met a girl, and I liked her, and she trashed me… on my birthday….. Zigzag street gets another couple of readings and I seriously contemplate my life;
2. Two people I care about deeply die…
3. This produces moral dilemma #1 (not mine, but inevitably i’m involved) and I make the profound decision to move back home;
4. To mix things up, I commit myself to half a million in debt and buy the house rather than just renting and seeing where it takes me;
5. Moral dilemma #1 goes away, and now I still have the debt, and the house;
6. I recognise that by allowing the girl I met (noted above) to cloud my judgement that I missed two extremely important things: I didn’t see the girl who I really always wanted because I spent the last year of my life with her while she (and it) was staring me in the face, and secondly, I never gave myself time to heal from the one who deserved so much more than me;
7. Moral dilemma #2 comes my way….. After going through a period of stupidity, I find myself tattoo’d, pierced and riding a motorcycle…. To tell or not to tell….. I realise that not telling is probably worse than telling, so I go half way and tell people about the easy options;
8. Moral dilemma #3 comes in with a bang as I watch my closest friends head to the point of meltdown pregnancy pushes friendships to their boundaries. Life decisions are made, friendships healed and things move on….;
9. I head overseas for the perfect holiday, only to meltdown at the last minute, almost sabotage the entire event and seriously consider giving up my job and becoming a tour guide**;
10. I return home to moral dilemma #4, To stay, or to move back to Sydney…..? staying means limiting my career, shifts my girls life upside down, but I get to see my nephew and my (soon to be) goddaughter…. Leaving means I further my career in a big way, be with my girl (who also has her own moral dilemma of where she moves and the consequences associated with it).
I decide to go;
11. Moral dilemma #2 comes to bite me on the ass, in one big pounding night and I try to keep my head above water while doing the best thing I can think of;
12. Moral dilemma #5 comes along with a bite. Help the girl (The one who trashed me) who really needs support and to release some demons, or do I let her lie in her own misery. I choose a chapperone, four scotches and a (somewhat) clear conscience;
13. Moral dilemma #6 is a work one….. but a bullet that i’ve hopefully turned in the other direction;
14. Moral dilemma #7, another work in progress. Do I tell all and acknowledge that i’m imperfect, or do I be imperfect and only partially acknowledge guilt…..
And that brings us to today….. My life continues to spin in some kind of orderly control, and I realise now that the decisions we make, the subtle changes we make, while not immediately felt, all have a ripple effect as we get older and (possibly) more mature. The problem is now that the wake is much bigger than it once was, the people you hurt are the ones who have stuck around and therefore it’s only more painful now then when we were growing up.
And in the immortal words of Scrubs (of which i’ve now become a complete addict), ‘..because I know, I’m no, Superman……’
Adam
* Toodaloo is a Scottish term used back in the 15th century. When the English occupied Scotland they would witness the Scots frequently walking outside their local tavern after yelling out ‘toodaloo’. What the English didn’t realise is that the Scots were calling out to their comrades in the bar for someone to walk outside with them while they went to the outside toilets to provide protection while they were at their most vulnerable.
Therefore, ‘Two The Loo’ was not-so-literally transformed into a depature tag so frequently used by the English today.
** You all know me well enough by now to know that i’m not even remotely kidding
