Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris’ sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse. Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
