I thought this was comic gold, so i’m posting it here 
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Cool, here’s my resume: I is liking to do stuff. I has no experience as a pm but managed to get to work today (managed- gettit? Bwahaha). Hobbies: flicking my hair and trying to calculate my IQ (I think that’s how you spell it but I don’t use spillchecker). Skills: Computers (if someone turns it on for me). sleeping my way to the top. smiling and nodding at the same time (advanced). Leaning over with low cut tops on.
It’s funny how I found myself in love with you
If I could buy my reasoning I’d pay to lose
One half won’t do
I’ve asked myself
How much do you
Commit yourself?
Well it’s my life
Don’t you forget
It’s my life
It never ends
Funny how I blind myself
I never knew
If I was sometimes played upon
Afraid to lose
I’d tell myself what good do you do?
Convince myself
It’s my life
Don’t you forget
It’s my life
It never ends
I asked myself
How much do you
Commit yourself?
It’s my life
Don’t you forget
Caught in the crowd
It never ends
It’s my life
Don’t you forget
Caught in the crowd
It never ends
It’s my life
(oh it’s my life)
Don’t you forget
(don’t you forget)
Caught in the crowd
(caught in the crowd)
It never ends
(It never ends)
More reflective shit from my world…
Right now i’m going to steal from my favourite writer in the world (i’m pretty sure my one paragraph won’t get me in trouble with the law, especially considering I buy all of his books and I love his work)….
So a paragraph (or two) from Nick Earls’ classic: Zigzag Street
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And he says But this is Rachel Vilikovski.
Exactly.
So what are you going to do?
I’m not going to call her. I’m going to sort myself out.
All this relationship stuff has to be crap. I have to be okay when it’s just me.
Yeah, great theory, but for god’s sake get over it, okay?
When did that Just Me shit ever work for you? You think it’s working now? Don’t misunderstand me, it’s fine if it does work, but right now i’m not easily convinced that you’re enjoying a life of quality as the solo man.
So I think about this, the solo man, but no kayak, no rapids, no biceps, no soft drink down the chin. The solo man, the man alone, the man comfortable within his own vacuum. Non-ogamous.
I think i’ve got to take the time to sort myself out, I tell him, but we both know that I hate the idea. We both know i’m wavering.
Sure, sure. It’s a good theory. You know I endorse it. If it’s working out that way. But sometimes, maybe that time is a luxury you don’t have. How sorted out do you need to be? How sorted out are you going to be? What ghosts are you trying to lay to rest here? This’ll always be a risk. It’ll never be totally safe. You will never be invulnerable, cause if you ever are this all means nothing anyway. I’m not saying call her or don’t call her. That’s not what i’m saying, okay? But some day, I think, you’re going to be calling someone, or they’re going to be calling you. And just because Anna left, doesn’t mean that’s what happens every time. Trust me. Whatever happened with Anna doesn’t mean it’ll never work out.
But what if it’s me? What if there’s something about me? Something about me that means it doesn’t work.
Something about you? Rick, there’s nothing about you that isn’t about everybody. Your biggest mistake at the moment is over-thinking this to buggery and convincing yourself it’s anything but totally normal. The standard life involves quite a number of relationships, all but the last of which don’t work out. That’s what happens. Just do the maths. You have n relationships, and n minus one of them end, unless you’re polygamous.
But right from that girl at uni. Remember that girl at uni? Remember. I basically blew my university days in the pursuit of one girl, and i’m no better now.
Uni. The girl at uni. Rick, that’s bullshit. Take it from me. The only thing in the world that hasn’t changed since the Girl at Uni Fiasco is my hairstyle. As if we haven’t all been losers. If I took some of my early luck as representative of my future, i’d be nowhere now. I wouldn’t've called anyone, ever. In grade twelve, the first girl I went out with, she impressed me so much I got really tense and vomited on her. We didn’t go out again. And you know what? I’ve moved on from that. And if i’d met Sal then, i’d have fucked it up. But I didn’t. I met her years later, when I knew I could do things differently. You should be grateful. You should just be grateful you didn’t blow it with Rachel Vilikovski years ago. That at the age of twenty-eight, when you can handle things a little better, that this is when you get your chance
So are you tell me something here?
No
Are you telling me to do something?
No. I just don’t want you to rul out any possibilities today. What’s the worst that could happen? You can get trashed again? Maybe. But maybe the worst is working out in a couple of months time that you should have given it a go. And by then she’s changed jobs, moved house, fallen wildly in love with some arsehole and the moments passed. Don’t get me wrong, if you get trashed again it’s going to be really boring for the rest of us, but we can live with that
But why is it like this?
Like what?
Like this. What about just dating? Why isn’t it that simple for me?
Because it just isn’t. You don’t ever let it be that simple, and I don’t think that’s going to change
What if I want to change?
Change, I think, is just another of your fantasies, as though there’s some major problem at the moment and if you can work out what it is, things’ll be fine. If yo ucan work out what you did wrong with Anna, maybe you’ll have an answer. But maybe you did nothing wrong with Anna. Maybe it was just one of those things. Maybe you can even stop dwelling on it now, and trying to work it out. Maybe you don’t need to change. And at heart, you are ruminator, a fatasiser. It’s part of you. In fact, you’re so good at it you sometimes have fantasies that you aren’t. That you’re some hard-nosed pragmatist, or some cool Lothario. And Rick, i’ve got news for you, that’s not you. And it doesn’t need to be. If you want to change your complex phobia, fine. If you want to change your complex and irrational notions of guilt and redemption, fine. But small changes, okay?
But other people just date people. Other people just have sex with people and no-one gets hurt.
Yeah, i’m sure that’s true. And this is your biggest fantasy of all, this is the house with three nineteen-year-old babes. This is the fantasy that things can be casual for you. That somewhere out there is a life with an abundance of inconsequential sex. And there probably is. But it’s not your life. Your life is an abundance of consequences. And that’s fine.
final note: You want to know the funniest and most ironic thing about this paragraph (and this novel): read it and you will know everything there is to know that’s important about me….. It is comfortably the book that most describes me on the inside, with all my scars, all my fears, all my stupidity, all my angst and (hopefully) my ongoing, wicked, sense of humour that keeps me going……
Adam
Warning: There is female nudity in this clip, but it’s funny enough in context that i’m putting it on the site.
Adam
Click Here for the video.
