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This is what happens when you archive *all* your e-mail….. So in a strange kind of way, i’m going to let you all know a lot more about me.. i’m going to post a lot of my old letters (names removed to protect the innocent).

I’m not going to tell you who, where or when, I think that will ruin the montage, but it’ll be a heck of a journey!

And with that in mind, I bring you the first piece that I stumbled across tonight…

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Remember:

That I’m just scared out of my wits right now …. I like you a lot. I certainly like you a lot than I’m willing to admit. And it seems the more I talk to you and the more I look forward to seeing you, the more the brains basic instinct for survival (based on a serious track record of being hurt, as I’m sure you know about) kicks in.

For me, it permeates itself by (literally) trying to scare you away. However with everything in this world, I’m relatively opaque. I’ll tell you what every person feels but never says out loud (they only say it out loud because society has taught them that you’re either going to harm or be harmed), and for that I usually end up scaring certain people away, or alternatively attracting the wrong type of person.

I don’t want to scare you away (name), and you’re certainly not the wrong type of person..

With all this in mind, please take my incoherent rambling with the appropriate grain of salt, and if you’re really tough, realise that in my mind and in my heart, this is just a permeation of me really liking you…. It seems like such a simple and noble statement, but it’s absolutely true. I like you. (heck, it even feels good to say it!).

I am looking forward (immensely) to seeing you and I want to pick you up at the airport. And for a million and one daggy and romantic reasons I want to know that instead of hedging my bets, or only dipping my toes in the water that I’m going to let myself be me around you. For we might get hurt, we might just become friends or we might just make it and find something that we’ve always been searching for…. Though no matter what happens, we will have taken the journey, and we will know that we have put our best foots forward, and that, and the end of the day is what separates us from the people that we don’t want to be with.

I’m confident that you know what I’m talking about here, and I’m absolutely certain that you know how I’m feeling about this stuff. And I don’t want to scare you away (name), not in the slightest!

So for all the reasons of you just being you, and for all the reasons that you’ll get to show me your side of the universe. And i’m sure that along the way I’ll realise that there are some things that are different about us, and that will be a good thing. I also know that with a little bit of willingness to change, I’ll probably find out a whole side to things I’d never considered before….. And as far as I’m concerned, that is what makes the journey, and certainly submitting to that journey, makes it all worthwhile.

I don’t want to delay seeing you, and I/We are going to have to commit the time and resources to making sure that we don’t get caught up in the whirlwind of the phone where dreams become reality and we don’t have to follow through when it comes to the day that someone has to wash the dishes. I want my time with you to be real, I want it to be without pretension, I want it to be doing all the things I’d normally do with someone I want to be with. I want us to find out and know if it’s right with us so that we can move forward (together, or apart) and find our happiness, wherever that may lie.

So I don’t want to scare you away, I just want to be honest and not second-guess my own feelings
I don’t want to scare you away (name), because I actually, and genuinely, really do like you a lot.

I hope this reaches you sane and well. I’ll miss talking to you, and for all the reasons that I want you to meet the people in my life when we see each other, part of that process is allowing you to know who I really am…

Here’s hoping you’re looking forward to taking some (or a lot!) of steps on that journey with me
A xxoo