It’s funny how when you watch yourself grow up, you realise that you can grow in some ways, but you need to accept your imperfections in others.
I can relate this directly to the conversation I had last night with an old and dear friend of mine. We have shared numerous pieces of history and I gathered the emotional strength and courage to give her a call as the last time we had spoke it was all relatively unceremonious in it’s execution.
I am proud to say that for an entire conversation we (read: I) refrained from engaging in my old behavioural tactics, conversed (relatively) eloquently and finally showed a side to a friend that she has probably always wanted to see: I’ve somewhat got my shit together.
I even avoided the usual plethora of gross references and endless innuendo that dictates practically every conversation i’ve ever had which was a nice bonus.
It was also interesting to see that while we didn’t agree on all my demons, we respected that I have come to an intersect of my life that whilst i’m not 100% puritan, that I do try to meet the basic guidelines of respectability, with only a slight cheek of rebelliousness that will always plague my personality to some degree or another.
I realised that i’m never *ever* going to even be close to being fantastic, i’m always going to be a little ratty around the edges, and i’m never going to be perfect, even with friends who have less rigourous standards than my own. In this though, I have realised that the inner peace that comes from being a little ratty around the edges allows me to provide a solid and realistic evaluation on my life and allows me to function reasonably well in an educated society, a skill I have admittedly lacked for quite some time.
The girl and I are good, though we are growing together and I am difficult at the best of times and downright annoying at the worst, so it’s taken me until today on my way to Perth to realise that I simply could be doing a better job as a partner, and a much better job as a friend. And so i’m going to put the effort in from today onwards to be that better person to my partner and trim off a few of those unwieldly edges in a goal of ensuring the successful blooming of my relationship to the next level.
(and no, nothing bad is going down, i’ve just been a royal PITA lately while I get on my obsession bandwagon with the running thing that I could easily tone down slightly for the benefit of all involved).
So that’s really me as of today, i’m still working on perfect, i’m still not meeting everones expectations, but i’ve come to realise that being 99% there and realising your faults is a whole letter better than being 50% there and having absolutely no idea what you’re doing wrong with your life.
So to the people I spoke to last night, thankyou. To invitations of face-to-face meetings, i’m working on it and i’m going to do my darndest to ensure that if we do that I don’t automagically slip back into being a complete tosser, so it may take me a while to get it spot on.
But hey, trying is all I have on days like today.
Loving all your work
Adam
