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To truly understand the ‘fun, excitement and happiness’ that is business travel one has to do it for themselves.  Because i’m confident that for those who read this page who have not yet travelled for work purposes, those people see it as this glorious globetrotting, all expenses paid, luxurious meals, impeccable service and exciting destinations all the way.

The reality however folks, is far far different to the hype.

My better half is going on her first business trip today, and to mark this auspicious occassion I thought i’d share some of the more ‘exciting’ parts of travelling on company dollars:

- Traffic - Now you thought traffic in your city was bad, well let me inform you that you haven’t seen the half of it until you’ve done a hook turn (from the inside lane, across *all* lanes of traffic, and it’s legal!) in the middle of a sprawling city of millions while you realise that the reason you’ve almost had yourself killed 8 times is because you fucking can’t understand why people keep crossing from the wrong side of the road!

- Air hosts/esses - You think they’re nice to you when you’re going on your holiday and you don’t give a fuck, you’re too busy gaga’ing at your partner who you’re about to get laid with 43 times in the next 10 days and don’t care about the snotty bitch who isn’t prepared to give you the last bread roll.
Now re-apply the logic when you’re tired, underslept by at least a full day, you’re tired because you’re in the wrong timezone and you *really* need something to eat.

Then see how cheery they all seem to be.

- Work - Ah yes, the work.  Because travelling means that you still do you’re 7.5 hour day and go home right… ha!

More like you work 10-12 hours a day, fight traffic in a city you don’t know, eat food in restaurants where the service is appalling and you’re horrified by how much they charge, and all at the same time you realise that when you ‘get back to the hotel’ you need to switch the laptop on and do your normal days work!.. ahhh yes, it is truly bliss this travelling.

- Hotel Rooms - Ah yes, speaking of hotel rooms, i’m sure you’re all thinking mini-bars and charging everything out.  Oh no.  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, there’ll be none of that.  Most companies have strict no-mini-bar policies, so that can of coke you’d usually get from the fridge will cost you $8 and have to be justified to the manager when you return from your hellhole trip in Guatamula.

- Expenses - And this is the *real* beauty.  Most places these days don’t supply corporate credit cards (and in some ways it’s easier when you realise how much paperwork is involved with using one) so you’re effectively dolling out your own salary/credit card limit, to go to work at a place you don’t see (think: airport, office, hotel, that’s all your seeing son!) and wondering how the hell *you* got suckered on losing out for more work, more effort annd a complaining group of staff when you return!

Ever wondered why the experienced travellers ‘let’ their staff go on these trips.

Now you know.

With much love to my sweet and beautiful better half today who experiences this for the first time herself…

Adam