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More on this exciting topic  later.

Adam Uncategorized

I have been recently been speaking with a friend of mine and came to a conclusion late last night that is unfortunate, but a necessary step that I realise I need to take on my life journey.

This friend has represented a huge part of my life, and as such i’ve always held her in the highest of regards.  For more than 3 years I have been on a journey and at many of the intersections she has been there, however last night I realised that it’s not me that needs to walk away, it’s quite possibly the moment that I need to let her be free.

 Now i’m confident that the above all sounds a little strange and for certain isn’t making sense, so please stick with me as  I explain….. (promise I won’t be too boring)….

 The friendships in my life are usually based on relative constants, whether they be location, disposition, education, social or just plain necessity, there has always been a single item that ensures that certain people stay in my life while others don’t.  However when it comes to continued frienships, both sides have to have at least one thing that’s good for you to hold onto.  And if you come to a point where your still being the ‘old’ you around someone and they don’t get a chance to see the ‘new’ you, it’s not really fair on them, or on you as you’re not letting your friendship be grounded on something that’s here and now….

It seems lately that i’m not giving my friend something that’s worth holding onto, and my recurrence back to my old life when i’m on the phone with her isn’t only not fair to me, it’s certainly not fair to her as the person I am now has grown away from the person I was.  To truly be friends with someone you need to let them see the path into who you have become, and how, even if they don’t like it, or can’t see it for what it is, that’s the person that you are now.

It’s a funny thing when you try to justify your happiness, it almost feels unreal or unsatisfactory to those around you and you find yourself justying your own actions in lieu of the person that you have become.  I find myself justifying myself to others about the person I am now, but the truth is I worked hard at it, and I don’t want any of it to be any different, sometimes I just hang onto the notion that I was once happier than I am now. 

 This of course itself doesn’t hold any place in reality, it’s just like drunkenness, it lets you escape from what’s really there, and it’s not fair of me to live a double-life around some people when i’m actually just really happy in my reality. 

 I’ve spent a weekend on the couch doing chores, going to gym and watching DVD’s and i’ve had a fantastic time.  I’m also looking forward to Kath being back from hockey tonight because it’s when she’s not around that I don’t feel complete anymore.  And it’s at moments like this when i’m sitting on the couch sharing this with you that I realise that I don’t need my reality, I actually *want* it, which is just the greatest feeling in the world.

 Just thought i’d share something that’s personal…..

 Adam

Adam Uncategorized rants, sex and love