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After much arguing, ranting and general raving, i’m *finally* catching up for cans with Jasey.

Yippee

Adam

Adam Uncategorized drinking and debauchery

Isn’t it horrifying to realise how badly alcohol really impacts on ones judgement. I would have honestly stated that I thought that I had carefully considered, and even slowly typed for accuracy, my Christmas Night Cocktail posts.

Alas, it provides a stark reminder of the real (and potential) impacts that alcohol has on the mind.

Adam

p.s- Stop drinking…. pffft!

Adam Uncategorized drinking and debauchery

Ok, so it’s not strictly v2, but more importantly an update to the genral nights activities.

As you can probably see from the grammar that i’m slightly more intoxicated than last time.

Spoke to a few old friends in the last few hours and resolved a few issues that needed to be resolved. I also managed to clock up a significant phone bill and generally imbibe myself with even more alcohol.

Right now we’re listening to one of my all-time favourite artists (even if she has converted to pop), Gwen Stefani.

What else can I say really. Merry Christmas and goodwill to all men (and women) ! …

Adam

p.s – Canfest lives on!

Adam Uncategorized drinking and debauchery

For anyone who has read this site over the past 3 years will know that tonight, is Cocktail night. Breaking free from the tradition of silent nights and quiet introspection, my family (and closest friends) get hardcore on the cans.

And Cocktails are the drink of the day.

It’s 20:30 so we’re about 3.5 hours into the nights festivities, and as you can see my typing skills are more limited than my usual 80 WPM, but no so bad that it’s impossible to understand wtf i’m writing (don’t worry, future posts will indicate my level of alcohol intoxication)

So far i’m officially up to 30 shots (vibrators, CSC’s and QF’s) and about 10 Rum and Cokes. Not a bad start to the night. For the rest of the night we’ll continue onto Daquiri’s, more shots and a full bottle of rum. And tomorrow I have to spend an entire day at the movies. Possibly a good hangover cure, possible a way to keep quiet whilst I head to the toilet every 18 minutes to bring up breakfast.

For those who messaged me today, Thankyou. For those that didn’t, I still love you anyway. And for those who know how to drink, we salute you!.

Adam

Adam Uncategorized drinking and debauchery

It’s usually the same phrase that comes from this mouth every year isn’t it….. What a year….

Comparatively speaking, this has been the year of years. From meeting a great girl (ok, that was last year, but we’re spreading some fairy dust here!) to reconnecting with old friends, making new friends and just plain growing up a little lot.

After a fairly rocky start in an old role and riding off the back of a breakup that was both inevitable and long overdue, a new opportunity and a new company presented me with a chance to break free of some of those almost invisible shackles that you don’t really see until you’re away from them. An opportunity to play in the big pond of the working world presented a lot of growth for me personally and professionally, but overall was a very unhappy experience culminating in my taking my leave at the end of my 3-month contract.

On the positive note, this general queasy feeling in my (ever-growing) stomach caused me to make a 90-degree turn to the right and start working out at the gym. I won’t delve into the benefits of that little escapade here, but I can only assure you that the confidence, waistline reduction and increased energy levels have paid me back 10-fold.

After a well-earned break and time to change focus on the career front, I decided to embark on some significant training and undertake my Project Management certification. Coming from a background where running projects was a focus on my role, but having no real structure in place on how to manage these processes, the learning and development presented an eye-opening experience for me and encouraged me to pursue a role in the field on a full-time, permanent, career-focussed basis.

After some initial interviews, it didn’t rain until it poured and I was presented with three roles to choose from, where I took the role that paid the least and offered me by far the most work, stress and benefits. My new boss (and in all honesty, mentor) has been a real beacon on the professional front for me and I continue to be awed that I get to work in such a dynamic, interesting and growing organisation that actually stands for many of the things I believe in. I am indebted to both him and my company and I’m sure that the journey will only continue onwards and upwards in the years to come.

—————-

Back on the personal front, I started to flush away some of the demons that have plagued me for quite some time and came to the realisation that some friends are just not meant to be, some are meant to be for all the right reasons and some will continue to be in your life even when you don’t get to directly reach out to them all that often.

For my housemate and I, we learnt a lot and both opened up to each other about the benefits of real friends, the trust that comes from knowing somebody well enough to respect when they do and don’t want to talk, and that being different can allow you to see the world from a completely different perspective. The growth that comes from that and the satisfaction of realising that good friends are hard to come by has not been lost on me.

—————

The girl and I have grown significantly together, finding our footing, finding our pace, and our space and I am constantly moved by her passion, compassion, energy, laughter, craziness and general good-naturedness that offsets my continual pain-in-the-ass attributes that I’m sure all of you are aware of. She has been my beacon of light in a very long and dark tunnel over the past year and lets me see the way not only to salvation, but also to a long and prosperous journey to the horizon.

I have learnt that taking things slow lets those slow fires turn into strong and long burning embers that can take the rains and still continue burning when most other raging fires would have fizzled and washed away, with nothing but ashes in their place. We have weathered two storms and I can’t help but thank all my lucky stars that she was stronger than I ever could have been.

I’m looking forward to seeing the horizon with her.

(And no, we’re not thinking of moving in, moving out or getting married anytime soon!) *smile*

————-

Mum and Dad continued to inspire and keep a parental view on my world which we all look forward to when things get down and out. Their journey through Australia was a paradox of sadness and joy and made me realise that the things you love the most can’t be contained by anyone’s actions, they can only be set free to enjoy and admire, even if it is from a distance. From helping me to see that the best things come to those who wait, to being there for me as my friends as well as my parents is a transition that I continue to enjoy with them both as individuals and as a couple as I start to grow up.

My brother and I came to the realisation that we are, in fact, more similar than different and I came to the realisation that he’s always going to be cooler than his older brother can ever manage(!).

Good friends have continued to swirl in and out of my life in various ways and I continue to be moved by the compassion and guidance that I have received from those who are always close to me, even when they are thousands of miles apart from my physical location.

I want to wish each of you a safe and prosperous Christmas period and a smashing New Years Eve party! For those that I will see over the Christmas break, it will be great to catch up, and for those that I don’t get to see in person, remember that you are in my heart always, and are only every a mobile call/SMS or e-mail away!

With love and respect
Adam

Adam Uncategorized rants

1. I prefer breasts to legs
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!
4. If I don’t undo mytrousers, I’ll burst!
5. I’ve never seen a better spread!
6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It’s a little dry; do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
10. Don’t play with your meat.
11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at the same time!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you put it in?
16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18. That’s the biggest bird I’ve ever had!
19. I’m so full, I’ve been gobbling nuts all morning
20. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all that and still want more!
21. I do like a good stuffing.

Adam Uncategorized jokes

When another year slips out of your fingers and you’re left wondering ‘what the hell am I doing with this life of mine’, I try to reflect back on both the good and the bad of the year.

My summary is as follows:

- I’ve got a great girl. And after a particularly adam-esque gestation period I actually (finally) realised how much i’m in love with her. This does not however negate all my stupid actions, strip club visits and other crazy alcohol-fuelled activities that I was apart of over the preceeding months, but it’s a journey that I realise that will make these moments seem insignificant in comparison.
- I’ve got a great job. I love what I do and i’m in love with what my company represents. I also have a boss with a heart of gold and an attitude to match.
- I’m getting fitter. Actually even though I have the stomach of a fat man, i’m the fittest i’ve ever been. It suprises me how fit I am at times but i’m enjoying it. Next year it’s onto the diet to help bring the body-bulge under control
- I’m financially in the same position as last year, though probably worse. That’s ok though, it was a tough year and i’ve had to make some tough decisions. Next year will be filled with debt clearance and wealth-growth.
- I’m sad to have seen the passing of some friends, and ecstatic to see the gaining of new ones. I hold no anger towards those I don’t associate with anymore, and remember that my sadness at not seeing them anymore is indicative of a future path that will almost certainly cross me again, but now is just not the time for that to be occurring.
- I reconnected with my brother… over beers. It’s funny how the simplest of bonds bring us together. I’m proud and happy to have such a great brother/friend/confidant.
- I miss my family, but know they’re with me.

I suppose the theme and thread of the past months (now, years) is that my life is never going to be ordinary, never going to be simple and never going to be uncomplicated. The reason for this, I *like* it like that. I’m going to push hard, make mistakes, live large, party hard and cry when I want to. But I will love and live and give whenever I can. I will beg my forgiveness for the mistakes I made whilst showing appreciation for the things that i’m fortunate and lucky to have in my life.

I’ve stopped drinking so much, but I still like getting on the cans. I’m in love with my girl, and finally letting myself be in love after many years of pain, heartache, distress and torture (usually instigated by me!). I understand the moments that have shaped me, I respect the reasons I make certain mistakes and I forgive myself for not being perfect.

For all of you who still read this, you are all a part of my life, my world, my dreams and my (ultimate) happiness. From asking for 3-year old photos of a broken dream (the beach on the house), to reconnecting after midnight flights with the most weird/demanding and special gay man I know, to spending two days with a mate who will always be my best man. These are the moments that define who I am and how I see my world….

I’ve accepted that i’m a wanker. Embraced it and cherished in the fact that it’s who I am. After all the fighting, hating and complaining, i’ve embraced it. Now I do it for a living and I feel like i’ve finally found peace at it.

To years-long friends, now divorced, but happy again after finding a peace and happiness he required, to helping a housemate through a difficult time and seeing him smiling on the other side, to beautiful girls who just need to be girls, these are partly my stories, partly others, but all important to my world.

I am 27 years old, going on 28 years. I am starting to love my life, love my (hopefully, future) wife.

And I wish you my kind of happiness.

Adam

Adam Uncategorized rants, sex and love

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he’s Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O’Brien’s lever that shows clips from “Walker: Texas Ranger” and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan’s wife.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.”, then you are dead wrong.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn’t give him exact change.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is “his” way.

Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can “accidentally” beat the shit out of little kids.

When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

Chuck Norris doesnt see dead people. He makes people dead

Adam Uncategorized jokes