Quote from a recent comment:
“How classy would it be to admit that one of my pet expressions is, “For the love of fuck”?”
Folks. Wedding invitations should arrive shortly. That is as soon as I get past those pesky details of living on the other side of the globe and actually meeting in person 
hehe
Loving all your work
A
Well this really isn’t about the world and how I see it, much more about the last few days in the usual uninspired bullet-point format I so love.
- The girl asked me to move out (in no uncertain terms). This is actually ending up to be a financial bonus as i’ve paid up my rent and can move out with only paying one weeks double-rent.
Always a good thing. As well as this i’ll also be getting bond money back which I may not have to pay in the new place which would mean i’m essentially (again!) out of debt, but with a heavily discounted bank balance.
- Moving in with the new guys I think will be a fantastic experience. I’m actually looking forward to getting out there, drinking a few more beers and generally getting my head into Sydney mode, having some fun and involving myself in more drunkenness and debauchery and less of the work, work, work theorem of which I live and die by.
- Met cute girls on Saturday night and was actually shocked to realise that they were mildly approved of me (seriously, this still spins me out). No stories to speak of, it was more the theory that someone can look at you and think you’re allright which does a serious boost to the ego.
- Work is work is work. As always our project will be an all-night, ’till death-do-us-part rampage where I will be completely fucked over, mentally and emotionally exhausted and wishing i’d have booked an extra night in the hotel. *sigh*
- I’m looking forward to Christmas, though think that i’ll be mainly spending it alone 
….
- I am indifferent about the girl at the moment. I think i’m just accepting that she needs to do her thing and I need to do my thing and so the best thing we can do is go our seperate ways, keep living and maybe get back to some sense of reality sometime down the track. Apart from that i’m taking it all just one moment at a time as there’s absolutely no hope of me keeping all of these thoughts in my head for an extended timeframe.
- I understand how this girl feels.
Loving all your work
Adam
1. So we started here… just two guys, one commisserating and one… well, he was just out to have a beer…
2. After buying ridiculously expensive drinks and not getting any view due to the moon not being out (at all), we decided to meet up with some of his ‘crazy’ mates..
3. So then we go (in no particular order because most of it is a blur)… to here, and then here, and then here.
Then we decided to go here ……. They serve steins (1 litre… damn)…. we drank steins… it was good… I withdrew a lot of money from my account.
Mind you folks, as you can probably imagine, i’m pretty intoxicated now. So i’m making friends and having fun and stretching my horizons something fierce because i’ve been dancing, i’ve been singing, i’ve admitted I know the words to Abba songs (did I just say that out loud).
Oh yes, drinking and debauchery were definitely present.
So we gets bored, decide that it’s time to move on… to here for a few more beers, a bit more fun and anything else we could get our hands on to. Now at this stage we’ve caught up with a bartender we know from the North Shore (yes, we know him by name), and he introduces us to ’some people’ (god its wanky :)), and then off we head to here for our 5am roundup, cab rides home and heads full of (partial) regret.
Not a bad night all in all.
Except that I want to purge my stomach, my brain and most of my bodily functions for about the next 14 hours and die a slow and less painful death than I am now ….
Yay for drinking
Loving all your work
A
As a further to this i’ll be honest when I say that i’ve begged for the girl back and i’ve in the process realised how much of a inconsiderate prick that i’ve been about this whole situation.
What pains me most is that I can’t help but want to focus on the past with the ‘what-ifs?’. I had started to make the changes a couple of weeks ago (you may have noticed snippets of me saying that I need to do things differently), though it was all a case of too little too late.
I miss her dearly and she does not ever want to see me again. Confirmation that I have no chance is really starting to settle in, and i’m not sure whether to keep fighting for her after everything i’ve done, or walk away and leave her to her peace.
Any help greatly appreciated on this topic….
I really opened up to the girl last night and told her the things that were going on in my mind.
Firstly I opened up and cried (haven’t done that in quite some time) and begged her forgiveness. I had made mistakes that i’m not proud of and betrayed her trust. It was good to finally let a lot of it go, to actually share some of the fears that were going on in my head.
[ As time has progressed in my life and i've been hurt for various reasons, I speak less and less of the major items which impact me on a personal level. Call it growing up or maturing, i'm still trying to find the balance between 'talk-and-share' and 'strong-and-staunch' ]
Secondly we talked and laughed and watched TV and enjoyed the evening, like we used to and had fun in the process. I actually wasn’t trying to impress her, or me. I had let go of a lot of built-up tension from my chest, bared my sould and understood that time to deal with that information is time and is a process.
A call from Matt (love your work dude) gave me a good laugh and got me to thinking about what’s next (or as his SMS so eloquently stated ‘Who get’s booted?, *smile*). Not long after I remembered flights pre-booked to an engagement party interstate.
Now for those who’ve known me a long time are aware that I just adore flying. I love airports and travel and the whole process so the opportunity to use unrefundable tickets is fairly strong in my books. I (not so) eloquently floated the idea by the girl to a negative response (I was still interested in going to the party, though she’s going with work colleagues and in hindsight I realise how much they won’t appreciate my presence), and I overreacted.
I can’t say i’m proud of my performance and unfortunately we started to beat our heels over old ground when it was clear that we were getting nowhere. This left the night in a huff and the girl moved to the bedroom, relegating me to the couch (it’s her bed).
——-
The difficult thing is that when I moved down here, I moved down with my heart on my sleeve (how unusual!), but probably more importantly with basically nothing to my name. All my worldly possessions (particularly my car!) were sold off as I a)didn’t have a need for them b)didn’t have a need for them.
Now when one has nothing (no bed, no furniture, no kitchenware), one starts to panic quite a bit at the idea of having to ‘move out’. Any other time i’ve had friends, family, (anybody!?!?!?) to bail to, even if only temporarily to get my shit sorted out and then buy what’s required and move on. Alas this time I have none of these options (I barely have any friends down here, stupid work… and i’m honestly terrified as to what i’m going to do.
My parents are tripping around Australia (that is a call i’m not going to enjoy making this morning) and I don’t want to worry or burden them, though i’m sure i’m going to do both. Friends are all interstate, and as much of the thought of going back to Brisbane fills me with both happiness and sadness, I know that I must continue moving forward down here. I promised to set my heart down here, make a career and (finally) make something of my life, and this is one of those obstacles that i’m just going to have to overcome.
In some senses i’m lucky. The girl has the same financial situation that i’m in so I think we’ll need to share this place for a while for our own sanity. What i’m going to attempt to do today is to make up some ground and try to find some middle space while we get all of this sorted out. Maybe turn the study into a second bedroom so we’ve both got somewhere (relatively comfortable) to sleep and we can work this one out over the next couple of months when we build up some bond and expenses money to make the move.
Loving all your work, and grateful for your kind words
A
p.s - Apparently I can move my website for free with ‘Psychodaisy.com’ (i’m guessing he might be taking over the servers?!?!?), though realistically i’m still going to have to investigate a move to WordPress and a new provider over the following months. As you can however imagine though, with no girl in my life and nobody to talk to, this page is going to be seeing a whole lot more action over the coming months.
My webhost BlogHosts is dead. *sigh*….
Oh well.. as with everything in live we have to roll with the punches and take it on the chin sometimes.
I’d ‘love’ to spend the money and pay the Blog Moxie girls $130 US and then cough up another $70 US for MT 3.0 and fix my site up. At this rate I don’t think i’m going to have any choice in the matter.
Loving all your work
A
Today I wasn’t given an opportunity to face up to being a man, I was forced into it kicking and screaming, and I still have to face up to the consequences on more than one front…
The girl and I are now officially over…..
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How every computer support system should work… *smile*
Details of call:
****** application - My account has been locked out after I entered the
wrong password. Could this please be enabled?
Thank you
Solution:
Password reset to……….. iluvurmum
NOTE: I wouldn’t normally recommend people download this, but considering that you will only be able to legally obtain a copy in Australia I highly recommend you grab yourself a copy
This young lady has a voice that you will remember. Listen to the song and you will understand.
Loving all your work
Adam
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