Status Update
Not sure if this one completely fits under ‘Sex and Love’, but i’m going to work to fit it in there… it’s definitely not a rant, it’s how I feel, it’s how I love, it’s how I live covered off in this one.
I take things too personally… Really I do…. If someone says something that isn’t precisely correct, I take it upon myself to inform them of the right way… this is otherwise known as an ‘argumentative bastard who always has to have his way’ … i’m sure you can tell which one is a more accurate observation.
A few people have contacted me over the past weeks and told me that i’m taking things too seriously, i’m involved too much and i’m feeling way more than I should. And they’re right, I am taking it too personally.
So now the ironic thing is that i’m writing this post, because i’m taking people saying i’m taking things too personally.. well, too personally….
It’s never an easy situation to admit you’re not a very nice person (and let’s be totally honest here, people aren’t asking me to modify something simple, they’re saying i’m a condescending, petulant, prick…)
I suppose I just want to not be the bad guy for once. I want to not be the bastard, the prick or the arsehole. I’ve worked fucking hard for where I am, and I feel like Jerry Maguire (haven’t seen the movie… meh.. couldn’t be bothered explaining it to you 
).
I feel like a fighter, pushed into a corner and needing to fight my way out.
……
My friends used to beat the living bejesus out of me. There are people who know me very very well, who read this site, who know this is true (no, they weren’t apartied to the acts).
I grew up in a female dominated world (horse riding) and never really found my place. What I did find was some incredibly strange and incredibly brilliant friends, many whom are still in my life today.
We all have our unique speed bumps, our parental influences, our weaknesses and our strengths. My strength comes from my loyalty.
My weakness is that I live a life of much fear. Couple that with an incredibly non-violent household and you get rage my friends. Rage that I can’t seem to calm at times. Rage that has me skydiving, scuba diving, jumping off cliffs and rollerblading in front of cars at 60-70 k’s an hour (yes, I really have done that… yes, it’s scary but fun). Anything to not think about how scared I am.
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Excuses for how I am today? Definitely. Desire to be always right, to be on top of things, to be in control, to be the star, to work until he’s dead if his last breath is to prove that he’s better than other people. check.
And whilst I retouch this ground again, as with many other parts of my journey i’m happy to give this one another shot at getting right. I’m not perfect (I know that), but i’ve got to take one step back and realise that i’m ‘far’ from being perfect, i’m just me.
And those who love me will continue to love me even if that’s all I have to offer.
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