Damn… and I thought I had problems.. now I realise i’ve been shielding from even myself how bad I really am!
That was an honest evaluation from a trusted friend today. Regarding the prior incident of intimidating my HR manager (apparently), i’ve been informed that I need to take a hard, long look at myself and realise that I can be a very powerful, controlling figure.
I never realised that.
I thought I was the sensible, polite, underbearring type. Though a few incidents over the past months have led me to believe that I really can be a bastard. I seem to have upset and intimidated people. I need control of situations (and people) and I generally don’t have issues making people feel uncomfortable if I think i’m right.
I, of course, don’t like to be treated that way, and crumble at the first signs of anyone standing up to me (which I also realise is my weakness … need to develop more backbone)…. but I think that’s a confidence thing to … not enough confidence, back it up with bravado.
Personally, I don’t mind being strong willed. I’m sure I could psycho-analyse my relationships/upbringing/family situation to conclude that my family trait is that of control/power and self-prioritisation, but i’m far too tired for that.
However, I am going to want to be able to look at myself in the mirror in the long-term so going to need to address some of this sooner rather than later.
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A
p.s - I miss the spell checker from blogger.com… 
