sciron.org/blog

Ok, so i’m going to try and get all of this out in one session as the feedback to my original post has been blunt at best.

Notes:

- When I say ‘marriage’, i’m indicating when you have found the person you will forsake over all others. This emotional attachment can come at any stage. And when you feel it, you all know what it’s like (well, those who are there will)

- I’ll probably continue to re-edit this, so come back often
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Before you get together

None of each others damn business. Though i’m sure you’ll find out things as life progresses, the past is the past, get over it!

When you first get togeher

The sharing stage. When you little by little share who you are with the other, define boundaries and generally get to know each other.

This is also the stage between strangers and marriage.

Meanwhile, through these stages, the fundamental of any decent relationship builds. Trust. No trust, no relationship as far as I can see.

Marriage

Now after muchos time of the ‘When you first get together’ phase, we move into the ‘I’ve forsaken you over all others, marriage’ stage.

Now while one secrets from their past, and even stages of when they are getting together can remain one’s own, I feel that this should be the stage where you two can and will talk about everything.

This is not to say you have to talk about how you hate your partner on this day, or you’re just sick of it, or you want another life. Everybody has those feelings folks. We’re human and we always want what’s on the other side of the fence.

I’m talking about the stuff that you’re told. Your secrets and whispers. Basically if someone told me when i’m married ‘don’t tell anyone’, that extension (in my mind) goes through to my partner. Why? Because if you can’t trust them, then that shows a lack of trust.

See, there’s two sides to this. You either trust your partner enough to tell them everything, or you don’t. Now like that or otherwise it *is* the truth. One can’t say they trust another person 100% but then not be able to tell them things.

Remembering that (in context) if you hear a deep, dark secret. (like, ‘I just killed my husband’), I would notice the change (subtle, no doubt) in my partner. If she didn’t share what’s going on, I would (after time) start to get suspicious.
‘What’s she holding back’, ‘Why doesn’t she tell me what’s going on in her life’ … etc etc….

The sanctity of a marriage can’t be disputed, as I quoted earlier, even by God himself. If you told one of my parents a secret, no matter how dark, the other would know. Does that mean a lack of trust, no. It means a respect of trust built over 25 years, through things that most of us singles wouldn’t even want to contemplate.

And until you, me or the casual reader on the web has reached that stage, I don’t think we can really start passing judgement.

There’s more, click below..

I’m feeling self-righteous because i’m scared folks. I’m tired and emotional and trying to find my feet. It doesn’t happen all that often, but these last few days have taken the rug under my feet, made me feel uncomfortable.

First and foremost, this is my blog, my ramblings, my life. If anyone wants to dispute what i’m saying, i’ll give you an account and away you go.

In fact I encourage you to do so.

I’m *not* trying to be an asshole, I am trying to articulate what’s going on in my head. I am trying to vent, I am trying to share what’s happening in my world.

I’m trying to get my blog back to something more than movie reviews and ‘what I did last nights’ … I used to write what I felt, how I interacted with the world. Lately, I don’t seem to have the strength.

Thanks for listening
Adam