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Well some good things have happened today, that couple with a bad thing and some mediocre things makes it a pretty regular day. Start with the bad stuff first.

- My significant others flatmate has complained about how much time we’re spending at the apartment. Due to my living situation, I can’t really have the girl over at my place so we’re left with hers.
I understand her feelings (for the most part) but am a little frustrated that she has guests over regularly as well… but nevertheless, it’s their place and I respect that. This just makes me think more about when i’ll be living with the girl when I should be worrying about having a good time while we’re not living together.

ed: don’t get your knickers in a knot, I have *no* intentions of living with the girl anytime in the near future. All i’m saying is that it presents itself in my head because that’s going to be the only logical fix to this. My situation is great with one flaw and the girl and I are both at places we like. *sigh* .. perfection is never attainable ….
- I received a serious compliment from the CIO today. Very nice to see that my new project is progressing well and i’m keeping everyone informed. Learning to manage more than directing and keeping myself out of business that I don’t need to know, and am only following up in appropriate areas as opposed to every minor detail.

- HR manager contacted me a couple of days ago to clarify that my new job description will soon be in my hands. Clarified with HR manager that i’m not that worried now that I know the position, but also wanted to state that i’m in an escalated role with extra responsibilities which requires more money (and other benefits to be paid to me).

ed: This is not like being a tech and doing PM work. This is a dedicated TL role where I have a team, a structure and outcomes to be obtained. I am *not* happy that those expectations go with a standard techs salary. I have spent the last 14 months being grossly underpaid for what I achieved and i’m not going to bury my head in the sand and wait for ****** to get around to paying up. I have a significant modification in the role (and a role which has never existed before, so I can’t even mimick the existing) which requires a refocus of my value to the company.

- I’m officially on a diet. Pants are starting not to fit. This is not a good place to be and I want to reverse this. I have a gut. This is not good at all. This must stop.

Well I feel like writing today, but once again motivation for topics is limited at best and I really just want to curl up in bed and watch a movie for a couple of hours then pass out. Early start tomorrow and want to keep movement going on this project at full speed.

May come back to you in a few hours. Otherwise, have fun!
A

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Rebuttal for all those “how to live” emails we get, this is my new life motto:

Love like you need the money, dance like it hurts and work when someone is watching.

I think there’s something in that for all of us!

Cheers

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Damn… and I thought I had problems.. now I realise i’ve been shielding from even myself how bad I really am!

That was an honest evaluation from a trusted friend today. Regarding the prior incident of intimidating my HR manager (apparently), i’ve been informed that I need to take a hard, long look at myself and realise that I can be a very powerful, controlling figure.

I never realised that.

I thought I was the sensible, polite, underbearring type. Though a few incidents over the past months have led me to believe that I really can be a bastard. I seem to have upset and intimidated people. I need control of situations (and people) and I generally don’t have issues making people feel uncomfortable if I think i’m right.

I, of course, don’t like to be treated that way, and crumble at the first signs of anyone standing up to me (which I also realise is my weakness … need to develop more backbone)…. but I think that’s a confidence thing to … not enough confidence, back it up with bravado.

Personally, I don’t mind being strong willed. I’m sure I could psycho-analyse my relationships/upbringing/family situation to conclude that my family trait is that of control/power and self-prioritisation, but i’m far too tired for that.

However, I am going to want to be able to look at myself in the mirror in the long-term so going to need to address some of this sooner rather than later.

—-

A

p.s - I miss the spell checker from blogger.com…

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They all seem to be HR related issues today.

- I’m now a Project Manager…. well, officially for once ! .. yay … looking forward to the extra challenge and discipline that will be required. This is also helping me to settle into a management perspective in the work world.

- Onto the big(ger) thing. I contact my HR manager a week ago about my new job. Basically I asked for a job role/description so that a)I had an understanding of my role and b)Could start the process of negotiating my new salary. Now, imho, that’s not too much of a major drama. I work on e-mails all day, if I don’t see a response to something, I follow it up.

Now when my HR manager contacts me, she sounds freaked out, offers me my old job back and sounds ‘concerned’ about my assumption that before I start my new role that i’d expected to be offered a job description. I try not to laugh whilst explaining that my request was for information(!), not a wartime appeal for assistance.

She finally gets around to telling me that my new boss will assist in defining my new role (why she didn’t just e-mail me and tell me this i’ll never know!), and now i’m left feeling like i’ve tried to hold [insert company name] to ransom over the whole issue. Especially after she informs me she’s spoken to the CIO who offered me my previous job back. (and i’m guessing it wasn’t in the most polite of fashions either!)

The same CIO who gave me a PM position yesterday. The job that I want to take on because i’ve done it before. A job that I like. A job that will challenge me. A job that will keep me with the company.

I hate stressing about this shit. I’m anal and pedantic, and yes, I expect a job role/description to be forthcoming when i’m ‘leading’ staff in an official sense as opposed to managing them whilst in my own role (ie - toothless tiger).

Or better still, just e-mail me and tell me ‘it’s coming soon’ with a basic explanation……

Is that too much to ask or am I being completely unreasonable?

ed: See my more recent post… i’m being completely unreasonable!

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Now whilst i’m actually motivated to post, I don’t feel I have anything to write about. Or more specifically, anything I *want* to talk about in a public forum.

On a work note, I have decided to take a Business Management course (Diploma, 2 years of my life, self-directed). I think if i’m going to do this Team Leadership thing, that I may as well do it properly. Get some qualifications down whilst getting some real-world experience.

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ed: this is going nowhere, but i’m writing it anyway

Isn’t it funny that success is so often guaged by the accolades that we achieve, not the life that we have lived. Most people will happily recall the competitions they won, the awards they received or the diplomas they have received.
Very few regard regard family, friends and loved ones as a main priority (until, of course, you point this out to them).

I feel lucky today. I feel i’m a success.

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Wonton: Dude… *dude* …. where’s the love dude? ….. *AND* we don’t get to meet the girl!

Matt: wtf have you been.. i’m talking to Len hearing plans of movements for you. We’ll have to catch up upon my Brisbane arrival!

Dan: Bring the girl, she’s worth fighting for.

Jessica: More posts on the boy, i’m loving where this journey is going!

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Slight whinge about web developers. I want one. Blog designer. Willing to pay (reasonable) amount of money for nice, clean work. Willing to ‘pay-as-you-go’ if services are decent. Happy to get quotes for segments to be completed over time.

Just want my web page to work properly!

That is all
Adam

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Eve so kindly prompted that us ‘people in love’ make her sick, blah blah blah blah and that we should stop immediately or face certain death.

That’s ok, i’m used to that. But then… then she claims that I was being condescending about finding someone new… this is where I must retort.

Actually, my comment to Eve was that *I* didn’t know how good things were until I met the right girl. There was none of this ‘telling Eve how it is…’ (ok, maybe there was, but I came back on the fact that I wasn’t aware of it either!)

Because somebody shares with you that they don’t know what real happiness is until they find it is a pretty common thread amongst the happiest people I know. It’s a moment of clarity and a time when you realise that you’re entitled to giggle like a schoolgirl, bounce off the walls and generally feel safe in anothers presence.

I was *happy* that she had some future semblence of what that can be like. I wasn’t trying to condescend…

—

Anyway! … still don’t have my role description yet so have just followed that up. Hopefully the details will be forthcoming through the week and then i’ll look at getting a pay rise (yay!) for all the work i’ll be undertaking (boo!) ….. Lots to learn, plenty of scope for challenges and change and looking forward to all of it.

Just spoke to Jayswannie (you may remember his very drunk post a couple of months back). Good to hear from you again dude.

…. To Be Continued… Need Coffee…..

And yes, i’m still loving all your work A

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Apologies for the lack of decent spelling, grammar and punctuation in my last post. I promise to continue the traits prior-mentioned in all future endeavours on this website.

More on the maintenance front:

- I can’t remember some of the passwords to my account (d’oh!) .. so not only can Rach and Eve not post, I can’t do editing of my template as I didn’t correctly setup the ‘Forget password’ option.

- I e-mailed Simple Bits and Eris Free to go forth and make some more changes to my website. Whilst I absolutely love Simple Bits, i’m afraid that his prices may be prohibitive (the guy wrote a free template for blogger.com, that’s intense), so i’ve made a backup plan and e-mailed two places to get things moving.

- As part of the update I want to add some more pages, change to timeless data formatting (you probably won’t see, but it will make things better in the long run), add a photoblog and generally update the code so that half the people who visit can’t read the pages properly.

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Had a great weekend and enjoyed dinner out with some work colleagues at a local Indian Restaurant. Food wasn’t too bad, however portions were smaller than I would’ve expected at a banquet, but I did get to catchup on the gossip around town. I’m interested to see how things go once i’m officially a TL.

Didn’t get to my eye appointment on Saturday due to a need to make a 4.5 hour round trip in the car with the girl on family business. You get that I suppose, and we did get to spend the time together, which (very quickly) helps me to realise how I don’t need anything in the world when it’s just her and I.

Did however get to do some homewares shopping at Domayne (much better prices than i’d expected actually) but disappointed that I didn’t find out about the $48 for 48 hours bargains that were being run by Virgin Blue.

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Friday is the day. The day that the girl gets her divorce through (yay for her :)) and we both go up to see my family for the final farewell party. Everyone is getting back to me after my constant nagging to ensure me they’ll be attending (even though I got the day out by one)

—

Not sure how much I can say, but it appears that the lovely Miss Eve is progressing her life just nicely atm. All the best to you and I hope that life brings you all the happiness you deserve.

Other than that all the usual stuff has been happening. Budgeting and spending, still putting on weight (this has to stop) and generally finding my feet one small day at a time. Looking forward to the new boss coming on board and considering taking a night-time management course to bring myself up to speed on what’s really important, as opposed to being a control freak with a perfection complex.

Well, i’ve started to get my brain out, but now i’m going to work on another goal of mine, 8 hours on continual sleep.

Night all
Adam

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Ok, so i’m going to try and get all of this out in one session as the feedback to my original post has been blunt at best.

Notes:

- When I say ‘marriage’, i’m indicating when you have found the person you will forsake over all others. This emotional attachment can come at any stage. And when you feel it, you all know what it’s like (well, those who are there will)

- I’ll probably continue to re-edit this, so come back often
—

Before you get together

None of each others damn business. Though i’m sure you’ll find out things as life progresses, the past is the past, get over it!

When you first get togeher

The sharing stage. When you little by little share who you are with the other, define boundaries and generally get to know each other.

This is also the stage between strangers and marriage.

Meanwhile, through these stages, the fundamental of any decent relationship builds. Trust. No trust, no relationship as far as I can see.

Marriage

Now after muchos time of the ‘When you first get together’ phase, we move into the ‘I’ve forsaken you over all others, marriage’ stage.

Now while one secrets from their past, and even stages of when they are getting together can remain one’s own, I feel that this should be the stage where you two can and will talk about everything.

This is not to say you have to talk about how you hate your partner on this day, or you’re just sick of it, or you want another life. Everybody has those feelings folks. We’re human and we always want what’s on the other side of the fence.

I’m talking about the stuff that you’re told. Your secrets and whispers. Basically if someone told me when i’m married ‘don’t tell anyone’, that extension (in my mind) goes through to my partner. Why? Because if you can’t trust them, then that shows a lack of trust.

See, there’s two sides to this. You either trust your partner enough to tell them everything, or you don’t. Now like that or otherwise it *is* the truth. One can’t say they trust another person 100% but then not be able to tell them things.

Remembering that (in context) if you hear a deep, dark secret. (like, ‘I just killed my husband’), I would notice the change (subtle, no doubt) in my partner. If she didn’t share what’s going on, I would (after time) start to get suspicious.
‘What’s she holding back’, ‘Why doesn’t she tell me what’s going on in her life’ … etc etc….

The sanctity of a marriage can’t be disputed, as I quoted earlier, even by God himself. If you told one of my parents a secret, no matter how dark, the other would know. Does that mean a lack of trust, no. It means a respect of trust built over 25 years, through things that most of us singles wouldn’t even want to contemplate.

And until you, me or the casual reader on the web has reached that stage, I don’t think we can really start passing judgement.

There’s more, click below..
(more…)

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None of what I said in the last post came out the way it was supposed to sound. I’ll be home (intoxicated) tonight and will re-write most of it.

In bullet form:

- I was stupid last night, arguing about something that is not relevant in the context that I was arguing

- Though I have strong feelings on the topic, they have NOT been articulated correctly in my last post.. so wait for a few more hours before passing judgement

- I missed not spending quality time with the girl last night
Adam

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The definition of stupid is this folks: Sulking unnecessarily at your partner after missing (and not seeing) them for a few days.

I managed to pull off the perfect definition of Stupidity last night. I was tired (no excuse) and cranky (definitely no excuse) and just downright being a dick.

—

The topic to cause my above-noted stupidity. Trust (how ironic!), or more importantly, the definition of trust whilst in a relationship.
My viewpoint (and the way I was raised) was that the sanctity of partnership (ie, the one, not just anyone off the street) or marriage represented a bond of trust that exceeds that of family, friends, loved ones, and even God. Within that context I don’t believe in secrets, and I expected that anyone who tells me something (”and don’t tell anyone else”) “assumes” that I will tell my partner.

Why you ask?, because they are the same as me on the trust level. There are no hidden secrets, no moments that can’t be shared.

Now don’t get me wrong, there will be a million secrets that I won’t tell my partner, and she will have at least a million that she won’t tell me. But the act of withholding (to me) oversteps a barrier of trust that should be held higher than that of any other person.

Anything less than that (to me) feels almost like a mini betrayal. Almost like ‘You’re not to be trusted with this, even though I forsake you for all others’ ….

But that’s beside the point (hey, this is still my blog, I am allowed to rant about my own opinions on topics!). The point was that I let it become something that it wasn’t, used the word ‘foolish’ (which is foolish in itself).

Compounded by the fact that she apologised this morning and I became immediately caught up in the fact that I had not clarified on plans regarding the w/end, which proceeded to send me into a headspin of ‘why?’.

I SMS’d the girl when I got of the train and apologised, then received a concerned SMS from housemate/cousin about my welfare when I said plans had changed and i’d be home most of the w/end (which I will be).

See how easily things get out of control. All I had to do was let it go.

Today i’m going to work on letting all of this go and have lunch with the girl.

Don’t do why I did today and hold a grudge about something pointless. Remember, they’ve forsaken you over any other.

Adam

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