The following are bullet points from the individual who is not happy with me. I’ll write some responses below:
- You shouldn’t have to apologise for your happiness - that was never the issue here, your friends happiness should always be something you help them find. You should apologise for treating people with anything less than decency, honesty, respect and trust, especially people who have earned it with you. Being cowardly and awful and not even realising it is the worst thing.
I do apologise for not treating her with less than honesty, respect and dignity. It was someone else who made me see that, and that is a lesson I have now learnt and will continue to learn in the future. It’s not easy all the time, sometimes you have to find your own path.
- Sometimes now matter how well you treat people it’s no guarantee that you’ll be shown the same respect back. This is not my most favourite lesson to have learnt.
Couldn’t agree with you more. I have taken the other path and become completely jaded and untrustworthy of anything/anyone. I can only hope that you don’t decide to take this path….
I’ve been tossing up whether to mention this here since I started writing this post. But I think I will, I started this diary as my outlet, my venting and ranting place and I don’t want to censor myself now trying not to offend someone who at the moment doesn’t deserve my consideration.
Adam won’t be mentioned here from now on, I don’t want to get into the details but I’m going to generally outline how to guarantee to break Eve’s heart and ensure she’ll never trust or consider you a friend again.
The below are all rather fair comments, though I feel that the interpretation of these is occassionally skewed.
1) Make a promise you can’t keep. Say things that you’d never do and then do them anyway.Then turn it around on me and say that I made you make that promise.
The real statement here is that I made a promise I should never have made in the first place. That is my act of stupidity. That is my cross to bear and one that I should never have taken on board. I knew in my heart when I made it that it wasn’t right in my heart. I made it because I was sorry for the grief that I had caused. I wanted it to be ok. I wanted someone in my life at that time.
As far as the promise goes, it has played on my mind every day since I made it. To be fair within context is to say that I didn’t dream up something along the lines of ‘I promise not to see x again’ …. I said it because it was prompted to me. I have admitted my sins on this one, but it would only be fair that you admit your side.
note: I (at no stage) when I was telling the girl what was going on, tried to implicate her as a guilty suspect. I mentioned it but said that the issue at hand was about me and not her.
2) Lie to me. Don’t tell me a piece of information that you think will mean the end to our friendship.
Guilty as charged, 100%
3)Say you’re too busy to see me even though you make plenty of time for everyone else.
Plain cowardice and exhaustion on my behalf. Under the circumstances, of which I am not prepared to explain what significant changes have occurred this week (but not many of them have been pretty). Unfortunately you’ll just need to trust my judgement that i’m telling you the truth.
If you believe me, great. If not, I understand.
4)Be too scared to be to tell me the truth about No. 2. So you ignore Eve for a whole week at one of the times of your friendship where she’s never needed you more. Ignore a voicemail message from one of your best friends almost pleading for help.
The gravity of this situation was not known until I finally answered the phone. However, as mentioned in P3, there were significant hurdles occurring which made it difficult, nigh impossible to face such an arduous mountain as the one I had built myself with this situation.
Make no mistake though, I am guilty as charged on this point, I was too scared to tell the truth.
5)Hope that if you ignore her long enough she will end the friendship so you don’t ever have to be a man and take responsibility for your decisions even though Eve has a right to know.
I can offer only the p.o.v that I hoped she would find somebody for some low-down tickles and thereby not notice the impact as strongly as if she was single. Male logic, absolutely. Responsible, no.
6) Only realise that you’re in fact being really dishonorable, disrespectful and downright hurtful after other people in your life point it out.
I wish I was more than human, but i’m still trying to learn. I can only admit guilty on being an imperfect person at this stage.
Wow, that came out much more bitter than I intended. I didn’t want that to be an awful pointed harsh post. But at the moment that’s how I’m feeling and I think I have a right to be upset about it.I don’t think anyone has veer been so blatantly mean to me like this before, and good lord the last thing I need is to be more cynical.It just seems like such an awful way for a cool friendship to end and I’m more sad than anything else.
Adam
Lesson learnt out of it? I don’t know yet, ask me in a week or so.
