Jealousy 101
Jealousy… almost all of us suffer from it. I know I do. Well, at least internally as much as possible.
Jealously at it’s basic level is based on the persons fears and concerns, usually rattled heavily due to a fear of committment (or desire for commitment). That would just about categorise me don’t you think?
I was giving thought to conversations i’d been having with ex’s lately about their ‘escapades’ ….. and it tears me up. Now the ridiculouslness of this is the reason i’m writing here, I need to let go of an emotion that’s not mine to begin with and accept the past (and future) for what it is.
I feel a pang of anger and fear when I think about people i’m dating who have been with other people. The most terrfiying of these is when the girl says ‘you know x person, oh yeah, well he and I…..’ …. stupidity almost always rules because I need to know details. Now I realise I want to know because I want to store it away as some sort of excuse to use later why I don’t have to commit.
But like I do on almost every other day, I fight that urge to let it take over who I am and i’m re-affirming that commitment to you and to me today by sharing with you my fears.
Happiness is something that comes over a huge stretch of time. The love of my life will (eventually) know the address to this site (but probably not for quite some time, small steps) and i’ll want her to know what’s happened in my life. Because I will fill in the gaps, it will show her a side to me that nobody knows for she will know me in context. For that level of trust on her behalf i’m going to have to trust her implicitly. I’m making progress today, one small step at a time.
Inspiration for this post came ironically from a completely different area of my life which prompted me to (once again) consider the nature of relationships.
You’ll also have noted the mainly macabre posts this week. Reason: I’m not getting enough sleep, we’ve got a major project on the books, some emotionally exhausting details have been bought to my consideration and i’m not getting easter off to take a break!
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I’m happy folks, i’m just letting go of some of the painful memories on this page as a cleansing exercise. Check back soon for some more upbeat posting (actually, give it another week: the project will be running, I might get Easter off, decisions will be made and i’ll get some adam-time .. yay 
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