:sciron.org/blog

The moments in my life that I think of being a parent, this the song that instantly springs to mind.
I’ve never really liked Creed, but after hearing this track for the first time I softened considerably to their music.

Life is beautiful and sacred and precious folks, don’t ever for get that….

—

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open

Well I don’t know if I’m ready
To be the man I have to be
I’ll take a breath, I’ll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we’ve created life

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I’ll show you love
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I’ll show you everything …oh yeah
With arms wide open..wide open

[Guitar Break]

If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open…

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I’ll show you love
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I’ll show you everything..oh yeah
With arms wide open….wide open

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First Name: Adam

Were you named after anyone? Probably some religious reference, though we’re not a ‘religious’ family.

Do you wish on stars? nah - Depends on the mood. In times of sadness and desperation, yes. I’ve been known to when the world is perfect as well.

Which finger is your favourite? might have to get back to you on that
one……

When did you last cry? Weekend.

Do you like your handwriting? It’s shocking, too many years at a keyboard and no writing will do that to you.

What is your favourite lunch meat? chicken

Do you have any bad habits? I talk too much, i’m annoying and can be a petulant child when I don’t get my way. (i’ll stop now….)

If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Yes. I can be a bastard but i’m only human.

Are you a Daredevil? Technically, yes. In reality, no.

Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? No

Do looks matter? There has to be a physical connection between two people. But i’ve seen a physical attraction build from just the sound of anothers voice.

How do you release your anger? I turn it inside and stress. When i’m smart I go out and exercise to burn it off.

Where is your second home? Gold Coast. Anywhere near the water is my spiritual home.

Do you trust others easily? hahahahaha, not in this lifetime.

What was your favourite toy as a child? My garfield plush toy.

What class in school do you think is totally useless? (stolen from Terrie) PCM - Practical computer methods. It’s very boring and all you have to do is read info on the computer screen and fill in the blanks in a book. But it was so boring
we just talked.

Do you have a journal? Well you could call this a journal.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? I think we all know the answer to that one….

Have you ever been in a moshpit? Yes

What do you look for in a guy/girl? Sense of humour, genuine and honest.

What are your nicknames? Ads, Joy-Boy

Would you bungee jump? I think i’d like to experience it, but i think you’d
have to push me.

Do you have any body piercings? One in my left ear.

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes

Do you think that you are strong? hahahaha… in ways, yes.

What is your favourite ice-cream flavour? Mmmm Cold Rock!! :)~

What is your shoe size? 10

What are your favourite colours? Blue

What is your least favourite thing? Realising i’ve fucked up and not being able to repair the damage. Being incompetent.

How many people do you have a crush on right now? I don’t have a crush on
anyone. But I ‘love’ one person.

Who do you miss the most right now? Definitely the girl.

Do you want everyone you sent this to, to send it back? It would be nice,
and interesting.

What colour pants are you wearing? Black.

What are you listening to right now? Peter Murray - Feeler albumn.

What is the last thing you ate? Curry.

If you were a crayon what colour would you be? Blue.

What is the weather like right now? It’s actually raining. Second time this year I think
Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone? The Girl.

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Face. Smile. Lips.

Do you like the person who sent this to you? I do, she’s my world-weary friend.

Where are you today? Work - the story of my life.

What is your favourite drink? Water.

What is your favourite alcoholic drink? Vodka + whatever’s going.

What is your favourite sport/s? Anything extreme.

What is your hair colour? Brown.

What is your eye colour? According to the drivers license: Hazel.

Do you wear contacts? Negative

Do you have any siblings? 1 brother (younger and married. scary)

Favourite month: December. Time for reminiscing and catchup.

Favourite food: Italian.

The Last movie you watched: Kill Bill: Part 1.

Favourite day of the year: Any day when a loved one is having a birthday.

Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yes and No.

Do you like scary movies or happy endings? I’m a sucker for happy endings. (yes, you all know i’m a sap)

Do you like summer or winter? Bring on the bikinis
Do you like hugs or kisses? I have to decide?

Do you like relationships or one night stands? I’m a boring, relationships type of guy.

Do you want your friends to write back? I’m posting on my website, so doubtful they will.

What are your living arrangements? I live alone *sob*. Moving to Sydney to live with a very cool relative of mine in the next fortnight.

What books are you reading? Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter Series (Laurell K Hamilton), Post Mortem (Patricia Cornwell).

What is your favourite board game? Absolutely no idea, maybe Monopoly.

What did you watch on TV last night? No telelvision currently. (moving remember)

What is your favourite smell? The (natural) scent of a woman…

What is the first thing you think of when you wake? Depends if i’m alone or not…..

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From the Love|Actually soundtrack. A beautiful woman with an amazing voice…

—

Like a flower
Waiting to bloom
Like a lightbulb
In a dark room
I’m just sittin’ here
Waiting for you
To come on home
And turn me on

Like the desert
Waiting for the rain
Like a school kid
Waiting for the spring
I’m just sittin’ here
Waiting for you
To come on home
And turn me on

My poor heart
It’s been so dark
Since you’ve been gone
After all you’re the one who turns me off
But you’re the only one who can turn me back on

My hi-fi is waiting for a new tune
My glass is waiting for some fresh ice-cubes
I’m just sittin’ here
Waiting for you
To come on home
And turn me on
Turn me on

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Afternoon All,

Well the last week has bought on an awful amount of change and clarification on many points that have been stewing in my life. If i’m doubling up I apologise, I honestly can’t really remember what i’ve written in my last few posts.

—

The parental housemove is progressing nicely. The party (to end all parties, possibly even to rival my 21st) is on the 26th of June. So:

- Casey (and partner)
- Dan (and partner)
- Matt (and partner)

Make sure you’re there for a 7:00pm start. Same rules as always apply. One bottle of alcohol per person to be added to the fruit-punch from the nether-world. (you know the one, the 21st birthday special)….

Oh yes, this year there will be two drums. That’s 80 litres (~16 gallons) of alcoholically charged fruit punch. Happy days people
p.s - I would ‘invite’ you and all, but if you don’t show without legitimate reason i’ll definitely disown you (and no, that shouldn’t be motivation not to show up!)
p.s mkII - The parents have also gone and bought a new house closer to the suburbs which is quite nice. All the walls aren’t painted and all the floors need doing which is actually perfect as it gives them something to work on, and make their own choices about the designs/patterns.

—

The girl came up on the weekend and we had a great time ….. well, unless I was being a total fool (how unlike me!) and taking on the attitude of a petulant child on crack because I was placed into an uncomfortable position or scenario. Thankfully her strength of resolve (and a swift kick to the behind) has been most appreciated and it comes to make me realise:

a)Why I like her so much, and;
b)Why the journey never ends, you just live and learn and (hopefully) remember your mistakes

In other news she met the parents, met the friends, did the lunch dates and came out (relatively) unscathed. Liked by all and returning the sentiment made me considerably less stressed as all the people in my life have had a strong influence.
We took time out for some mini-drive days to various spots on the Queensland map and the tour not only encompassed the scenery but the context of the places and people who have/had shaped my life in various ways.
It was only at the end of the days that I made the stake to claim that I was looking forward to some new memories with her. Always nice to know you’re making some progress in the world.

—

Cried…. twice. Unheard of. Done. Fear and loathing will do that to me. Details will not be forthcoming but necessary situations bought strength to these fears of mine.

—

p.s - Parents phoned me on multiple occassions to make sure she was coming back. I think they were more impressed than I was. Always a good sign.

—

Bad News: I lost my digital camera Good News: Insurance is buying me this as a replacement… *drool*

—

I have received a few harsh comments from various parties about my relationship starting with the girl and my (perceived) lack of t&e given to other areas of my life.
For the record:

- Yes, I have had less time for other endeavours, but that is fairly standard in any new relationship status.
- No, I have not rejected my friends/loved ones. I have had to make decisions based on certain criteria. This does mean that if I feel people are shutting me out for long enough I have moved on.
- Others I do have genuine regret about losing, but as stated early, understand why they came to pass. From what I can see though people are generally getting some happy vibes going which is all good. Also, some others have (appeared to, I’m not 100% sure yet! :)) drifted, which is very sad but I have to live with.

All of this has come at a time when there is so much change happening outside of my relationship (burgeoning) that there would have been a marked and significant reduction in the human contact hours anyway. I’m not using the girl as a 100% scapegoat and nor would I expect anyone else to.

p.s - Wonton: Dude. Thankyou for one of the nicest comments I’ve had the pleasure of reading. Your grasp and understanding of the sacrifices that are made and the mistakes that are endured is the reason why I ensure I keep you in my life. Perfect comment.

—

I move in two weeks people. Two weeks. Unbelievable.

—

p.s - To the person (you know who you are) who sent me the employment section of a Sydney newspaper. Thankyou. I am currently going through it and am deeply appreciative.

p.p.s - As earlier noted, your gift is still on the way. (the above two points are mutually exclusive btw…)

p.p.p.s - I am about to go back to the web designer to have things modified a little (cleanups/fixups/text writeups). If anybody would like details added/removed/modified/tampered with, *please* e-mail me at home. You know the details.

Adam

3 Comments

I have taken a few minutes to excuse myself from another family barbeque/get-together/drinking session and I can’t but help feel the overwhelming weight of joy/pain that is my life to date within this family model.

Not that I haven’t overall had an amazing experience, but the bittersweet feelings attached with being at one of the final family BBQ’s has me to thinking of all the great, and all the not-so-great experiences to bring me to where I am today.

I am blessed to have the girl with me this weekend. She arrived on a jetplane (bad song reference included) and I’ve taken her on a personal journey through some of the more interesting segments of my life through a series of mini road-trips to help her to understand the person she is with. I have inevitably bombarded her senses to maximum capacity, though I feel a strong desire for her to understand some of my past, where I came from and what makes me tick.

That’s how she is one of the few people to ever be involved in a (insert family name here) family BBQ.

The sadness at moments is completely overwhelming, and there are many moments that I wish I was in control of certain situations and people, but my goal still remains to let each person live as they are, to be happy, to make mistakes and to have support when they need it. I know I certainly need it.

For these moments are now few and far between, I want to wrap myself in the warmth of great conversation, random hugs and general debauchery that is associated with the family model that I have been blessed to be included in.

—

Tomorrow and sends us on a journey to meet the friends. I think that she’s scared but I’ll be there for her and just hope we all enjoy ourselves.

I know i’m certainly going to try to.

Loving all your work
A

p.s - Sorry for the lack of updates, it’s been one hectic week and in the next few days i’ll have a definitive answer on my employment status. From there I may be updating very regularly or very little dependent on my cashflow situation.

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I don’t think this guy is interested in taking my position, hence I probably won’t be transferring withing my company.

*double-sigh*

Adam

1 Comment

I feel a strong obligation to post… to say *something* about my life, but i’m honestly not overly interested in sharing too much at this point in time.

However, in bullet points, this was my weekend:

- Saw my parents for about 5 minutes (twice) at which times we were either talking over people buying things from our garage or real estate agents selling them their new home

- Caught up with Matt, Dan and his new significant other (she’s cool, they both suck, but you get that :)) ….. Ritually we watched bad Video-Hits music and Ruth and I poked each other to keep ourselves entertained. Matt and Dan just have no sense of fun.

- Watched Starsky and Hutch.. as expected.. average but watchable… Not writing home about it but not lamenting that I went either..

- Organised more items to be sold off at the parental garage sale. I now officially have no posessions. I have a few containers of miscellaneous items but other than that i’m a pauper. Thank goodness for Credit Cards
—

In other news I am just (attempting) to wait as patiently as possible for this all to be over. I want decisions to be made and I want to get on with my life, with or without my current employer folks.

As much as the next 3 weeks are going to speed by at a ridiculous pace, there are moments (like today), when they seem to just drag on forever, taunting me into extended moments of self-doubt, self-loathing and food-binging.

Returning to the pool today (thank god) as my stomach seems to have regrouped with it’s water-retaining structure that I thought i’d lost. Alas, when one goes on holidays and drinks and eats merrily, what can one expect?

—-

Why oh why didn’t anyone tell me about WebJet? As soon as I stop flying every other week (or so it seems), I find this gem…

Loving all your work
Adam

2 Comments

Hi i’m Snotty Bubblechunks… Who the hell are you?

Follow the instructions to find your
new name. Once you have your new name, put it in the Subject
box and forward it to friends and family. Don’t forget to
forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you
participated.

The following in an excerpt from a children’s book,
“Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor
Poopypants” by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone
to assume new names..

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = poopsie b = lumpy
c = buttercup d = gadget
e = crusty f = greasy
g = fluffy h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim j = stinky
k = flunky l = boobie
m = pinky n = zippy
o = goober p = doofus
q = slimy r = loopy
s = snotty t = tootie
u = dorkey v = squeezit
w = oprah x = skipper
y = dinky z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the
firsthalf of your new last name:

a = apple b = toilet
c = giggle d = burger
e = girdle f = barf
g = lizard h = waffle
i = cootie j = monkey
k = potty l = liver
m = banana n = rhino
o = bubble p = hamster
q = toad r = gizzard
s = pizza t = gerbil
u = chicken v = pickle
w = chuckle x = tofu
y = gorilla z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the
second half of your new last name:

a = head b = mouth
c = face d = nose
e = tush f = breath
g = pants h = shorts
i = lips j = honker
k = butt l = brain
m = tushie n = chunks
o = hiney p = biscuits
q = toes r = buns
s = fanny t = sniffer
u = sprinkles v = kisser
w = squirt x = humperdinck
y = brains z = juice

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This song has significance to certain sections of my life… today it doesn’t apply to love but to other areas of unknown origin..

—

Brooke McClymont - I Don’t Think

Ooh yeah-yeah.
I’m famous for my indecision, yeah
and everything I do and say,
With a complete lack of precision
I get lost along the way.
So if you’re looking for an answer, well
I just have to say.

chorus
I don’t think I love you,
I don’t think I wanna be with you for the rest of my life.
And I don’t think I need you
I don’t think, I know.

Oh, I know.
I made a habit of rejection and it kept me to myself,
I wore my cloak of independence
but you saw through that as well.
So now you know my little secret
yeah-yeah, but can you keep it to yourself?

Chorus

I realise my weakness and all the changes I am feeling,
Feeling over you, you, oh yeah.
So now you know my little secret, oh yeah
well can you keep it to yourself?

Chorus x 2

—

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The following are bullet points from the individual who is not happy with me. I’ll write some responses below:

- You shouldn’t have to apologise for your happiness - that was never the issue here, your friends happiness should always be something you help them find. You should apologise for treating people with anything less than decency, honesty, respect and trust, especially people who have earned it with you. Being cowardly and awful and not even realising it is the worst thing.

I do apologise for not treating her with less than honesty, respect and dignity. It was someone else who made me see that, and that is a lesson I have now learnt and will continue to learn in the future. It’s not easy all the time, sometimes you have to find your own path.

- Sometimes now matter how well you treat people it’s no guarantee that you’ll be shown the same respect back. This is not my most favourite lesson to have learnt.

Couldn’t agree with you more. I have taken the other path and become completely jaded and untrustworthy of anything/anyone. I can only hope that you don’t decide to take this path….

I’ve been tossing up whether to mention this here since I started writing this post. But I think I will, I started this diary as my outlet, my venting and ranting place and I don’t want to censor myself now trying not to offend someone who at the moment doesn’t deserve my consideration.

Adam won’t be mentioned here from now on, I don’t want to get into the details but I’m going to generally outline how to guarantee to break Eve’s heart and ensure she’ll never trust or consider you a friend again.

The below are all rather fair comments, though I feel that the interpretation of these is occassionally skewed.

1) Make a promise you can’t keep. Say things that you’d never do and then do them anyway.Then turn it around on me and say that I made you make that promise.

The real statement here is that I made a promise I should never have made in the first place. That is my act of stupidity. That is my cross to bear and one that I should never have taken on board. I knew in my heart when I made it that it wasn’t right in my heart. I made it because I was sorry for the grief that I had caused. I wanted it to be ok. I wanted someone in my life at that time.

As far as the promise goes, it has played on my mind every day since I made it. To be fair within context is to say that I didn’t dream up something along the lines of ‘I promise not to see x again’ …. I said it because it was prompted to me. I have admitted my sins on this one, but it would only be fair that you admit your side.

note: I (at no stage) when I was telling the girl what was going on, tried to implicate her as a guilty suspect. I mentioned it but said that the issue at hand was about me and not her.

2) Lie to me. Don’t tell me a piece of information that you think will mean the end to our friendship.

Guilty as charged, 100%

3)Say you’re too busy to see me even though you make plenty of time for everyone else.

Plain cowardice and exhaustion on my behalf. Under the circumstances, of which I am not prepared to explain what significant changes have occurred this week (but not many of them have been pretty). Unfortunately you’ll just need to trust my judgement that i’m telling you the truth.
If you believe me, great. If not, I understand.

4)Be too scared to be to tell me the truth about No. 2. So you ignore Eve for a whole week at one of the times of your friendship where she’s never needed you more. Ignore a voicemail message from one of your best friends almost pleading for help.

The gravity of this situation was not known until I finally answered the phone. However, as mentioned in P3, there were significant hurdles occurring which made it difficult, nigh impossible to face such an arduous mountain as the one I had built myself with this situation.

Make no mistake though, I am guilty as charged on this point, I was too scared to tell the truth.

5)Hope that if you ignore her long enough she will end the friendship so you don’t ever have to be a man and take responsibility for your decisions even though Eve has a right to know.

I can offer only the p.o.v that I hoped she would find somebody for some low-down tickles and thereby not notice the impact as strongly as if she was single. Male logic, absolutely. Responsible, no.

6) Only realise that you’re in fact being really dishonorable, disrespectful and downright hurtful after other people in your life point it out.

I wish I was more than human, but i’m still trying to learn. I can only admit guilty on being an imperfect person at this stage.

Wow, that came out much more bitter than I intended. I didn’t want that to be an awful pointed harsh post. But at the moment that’s how I’m feeling and I think I have a right to be upset about it.I don’t think anyone has veer been so blatantly mean to me like this before, and good lord the last thing I need is to be more cynical.It just seems like such an awful way for a cool friendship to end and I’m more sad than anything else.

Adam

Lesson learnt out of it? I don’t know yet, ask me in a week or so.

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