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has happened to me this evening.

I gave my speech in front of a crowd of 130. Spoken too long (after possibly a few alcoholic beverages) I found myself berated for my efforts and ousted for my non-conformist approach to the toastmastering form.

I am always a believer that one should be free of the barriers that ‘society’ sets upon us, but I know only too well that societies pressures are far stronger than one man (or woman) can ever hope to repel. In my quest to be open and honest with my brother about his chosen path, I have felt inadequate and unloved of my thoughts, doused by the needs of the drunken souls to keep my talk-time under 5 minutes.

Matt (brother): Please share the details of this site with nobody. You have become witness to these writings by default, but I wish nobody on the outside of the circle which you pertrude in to have knowledge of my thoughts.

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Am I bitter, angry, upset, scared, fearful… yes to all of these counts. Do I feel liberated for sharing my ideas, expressing my opinions (on such a topic as love to which I admittedly have no real experience)… certainly not.

Would I turn back the clock, not give the speech, or gag myself to the perfunctories of ‘thankyou’s’ and backslapping which has become the expectation of even close family members these days… yes.. yes I would.

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Am I just a bitter mid-twenties fool who feels that his word of opinion is greater than that of his colleagues. Do I feel unloved for my hefty (sic) contribution to the world? Of course. Does this make me an arrogant prick at best and a downright bastard at worst. Yes that would be correct.

Do I still want to cry when I think about fucking up a speech at my brothers wedding….

Absolutely.

A

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