Why do I shun normal… Part II
Ok… so carrying on from last nights journey to the centre of my brain.
Analogy time (yes, i’m a big fan of them to, I work in IT support. It helps)
Hand up if you know a smoker who “desperately wants to quit”, but just can’t seem to.
Now as much I’ve always believe the world is black-and-white, i’ve learnt with the emotional beatings over time (and continuous outbursts by those who care about me) that the world is in fact, not black and white.
I *desperately* don’t want to be like I am. I want to be happy in my own skin and enjoy my own life. For whatever reason that’s simply not happening. I can’t quit from my life, i’m addicted. All the pain, joy, fear, elation, excitement and everything else I feel on a daily basis is my drug.
And I don’t know how to get over the fence to start the quitting process.
So before you go and think that i’m out of it, lost, beyond help, beyond recognition, remember that I don’t want to be here anymore than you want me to be here, i’m just fighting the battles I have to fight, and hopefully i’ll come out on top.
I’m sick of complicated, and in the past 6 weeks i’ve had a couple of spouts of normalcy, and you can’t imagine how that feels to someone like me.
Now all I have to do is learn how to have that normalcy in my life all the time and i’ll be just fine.
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